Going Backwards?

I've had so much progress lately. With all my issues. I've started to see the light again. To get over all my hurt and pain. To move on from the things that were holding me back. I felt like I was taking all these steps forward, moving towards a better place in my life.
It all sounds real great right? But thats the sugar coated version, and now I feel like Im taking 5 steps back.
During all this "moving on" I've been faking happiness, lying in bed at night feeling alone and scared, relapsing (even though its not as bad because Im using different methods).
As you can see Im not doing as great as the sugar coated version sounds am I?
I've just been going around hiding my pain because I dont want to deal with it anymore.
Now there are recent developments and just general feelings of "darkness" (my term for whatever it is Im going through) and not being able to get out of it.
I dont really know what I need or what will help me. It really just feels like a never ending cycle.
I start to feel great, like I can take over the world, like nothing can stop me. Then it kind of reaches its climax. Like Im really happy and things cant get any better. Now at this point of the cycle it can go any of two way.
The first way is that something really drastic happens and the whole thing racing to the bottom, like a plane crash. One second souring over the clouds in perfect bliss, the next second the engines have failed, the wings are gone, and my plane is nose diving towards earth.
The second way is that little things can slowly begin to chip away at this glorious structure I've built. I'm standing on top and little bits are being chipped away until finally the structure beneath me crumbles and I land in the rubble.
I am currently experiencing this second option. In some ways it feels like the worst. Its like I can see that my structure is beginning to crumble but there's nothing I can do, other than wait for the inevitable collapse.
Well anyways Im going to stop depressing whoever is reading this and go do something else...
I should probably start cleaning the house since my mom has been spazzing at me about it for days now and my grandma is moving tomorrow. I dont see why my mom is so freaked out and taking it all out on me but whatever. What can I do? Im just a kid. (Haha thats an amazing song.)
Well anyways. I will end this now and let you all get back to your much more important lives.