That all changed in the next school year, it's like my personality took a 180 turn, and I all-of-a sudden cared what the other kids thought of me. I became quiet and shy... that weird girl that never says anything. Maybe it was after the most popular girl, Molly-Michelle, albeit a nice--or at least tolerable person, had about every girl wanting to be her best friend. Then one day, one of those girls who had always given me dirty looks, came up to me during recess and told me out right that she didn't like me. I was shocked and asked her why, "you annoy me", she had said. I then asked her why and what I had done to annoy her, and she replied "you just do. I don't like you hanging out with us." Don't ask why, but I allowed her to win and never hung out with Molly-Michelle again.
That school year, there was a boy, let's call him Sam, who lived down the street from me, and was also in my class. He had given me his phone number to call him; I had thought that he was just doing that because I would be getting a ride with him and his parents to our 1st grade play, since my parents were celebrating their wedding anniversary that night. The following week, however, he came up to me looking disappointed, and asked me why I hadn't called him (I wasn't under the impression that he had wanted me to). I told him a half truth, which was that I had lost his number. He then gave me his number once again, but I had ended up loosing it as well; I did feel bad.
In the 3rd grade, at an award assembly, some other girls had told me that there was this guy; let's call him Nick, who 'liked' me. I looked at them in disbelief, but smiled none-the-less. 'A boy liked me?' I had thought as I took notice of him in the front of the auditorium. There was one day during P.E. that we were learning a dance, and the guys were told to go and ask a girl to dance; almost instantly, though I don't remember who got to me first, both Nick and Sam had asked me to be their partner. I remember standing there awkwardly, not wanting to hurt the other's feelings, I looked around at the other girls in my class as they looked at me in shock that I had been asked twice, while they were still waiting to be asked, which gave me a bit of a confidence boost. I then looked at the guy who had asked me second, and said:
"Well, he asked me first. Sorry."
That was my way of being fair. Not too long after, after school while waiting for my mom, Nick had randomly come up to me and said "hi" in a manner that was a bit flirtatious; I think there was a dorky smile on my face the rest of the day, even after Matt came to my driveway to talk that afternoon. After a bit, I decided to tell him about Nick:
"I think Nick likes me," I had told him.
"H-how come you think that?" he asked.
"Well... by the way he said 'hi' to me." I told him, causing him to frown.
"Well, I say 'hi' to you a lot..."
If only I hadn't been so absolutely clueless of his meaning behind that little statement. Perhaps...well...I don't know, maybe we would have still talked past that conversation if I knew that he had liked me. Every time I get reminded of him, that conversation plagues my mind. 'What if....?' 'If only I would have...'
I was reminded of this in my dream the other night, and seeing as I'm entered into Mibba's Dream Journal challenge, I'm going to tell it to you to the best of my memory of it.
~888888~
For a reason I’m not entirely sure of, there was going to be a ball to celebrate something big, and I had received a V.I.P. invitation for myself and a date to attend it. My best friend, Kiki, who had also been invited, had introduced me to some of her fiancé’s friends, one of whom was a wealthy and handsome guy, Alex or Alec, I think. After speaking to him, he had asked me to be his date to the ball, and though I was flattered and had decided that I enjoyed his company, I declined. I did, however want to see him again, so I told him that he and I should meet up sometime to get to know each other better.
We later decided to take a walk, and it had went very well, I really liked the idea of the possibilities that a relationship between him and I could bring to the table. Yet, I still hadn’t known him for long, and I was always hesitant towards suitors, so when he again asked me to be his date to the ball, I playfully told him that I would think about it. He then asked what his chances were, in the same flirtatious manner, and I just replied with a smile and wink. ‘Pretty good’, I thought.
My dream then brought me to the mall where I was to meet Kiki to help her pick out a dress. (Warning: here comes the random part of the dream that is random and makes absolutely no sense) I was walking through a Chinese restaurant were there was this family of 8 seated at a long table. I over heard them talking about their past lives and how they planned on finishing something that they hadn’t previously been able to. Then one of them pointed out a waitress who was headed their way, apparently she was also reincarnated, even though she did not yet realize it. I wasn’t able to find out more before my dream self went into the department store were Kiki was already looking at dresses. (I could not afford one, so I had decided to wear the red maid-of-honor dress that I had worn at my brother’s wedding)
While searching through the racks of dresses, I heard a guy ask my name. As I turned around to get a look at him, I realized that it was a childhood friend of mine who I had never seen or heard from in my newly adult life. Though I hadn’t known at the time, this guy (who my dream hadn’t really named), had had a small crush on me; I was a clueless kid. We got talking about our lives after he had moved and hit it off right away; I began forming a bit of a crush of my own. I had suddenly became confused about who I like more. Then, to make things a bit awkward, ‘Alex or Alec’ had showed up and asked me if I had made up my mind, and I told him that I hadn’t yet and I was still thinking about it—though I’m quite sure that he thought that I was only purposely teasing him.
I went home that night knowing that I had to make a decision between the two guys I liked, and quickly. While I was deep in thought, I received a voice mail on my cell from my childhood friend. He admitted (in a cute but manly way) about how running into me at the department store, had rekindled his crush and feelings of me. The more I thought of what he said and the more I thought about him, the more I wanted him. Making my decision, I sent him a text: Hey, do you happen to own a red tie? You’ll be needing one.
Meanwhile, my dream decided to show me ‘Alex or Alec’s point of view:
“Hey, she actually texted me…” he said excitingly to his friends, “…she’s…going with someone else…?”