Sex.

I've always been sort of hypersexual ever since I could remember. No, I don't masturbate or have a ton of sex. The idea of sex just intrigues me to the point where I spend a chunk of my day thinking and fantasizing. I don't know why. I remember learning what a penis was when I was about seven, even then feeling disgusted and wishing I had never known the truth about men. I have no clue where this knowledge came from.

I'm seventeen now. I had a "real" penetrative first time a month ago, early August. I lost my virginity to my Russian-Muslim boyfriend of two months at the time. We did it in a grocery store parking lot in the back of a 2006 Honda. Pretty tacky. Yes. But I don't regret it.

I remember just wanting him to be happy with me. So I did every thing I could. Spread the legs nicely, give him a good squeeze, hold him gently. Apparently, it sex was the one of the only things I could get right with him. He loved me so much afterward. Taking me to get ice-cream at Dairy Queen and just being generally kind. He had the biggest smile on his face.

But he hates my breast. Yes, I know. He believes they are too small. I'm a full B/small C. I love small breast and looking like a little doll. (Not the fake sort.) He won't touch my breast. He acts so disgusted with them sometimes. I don't know. It just upsets me.

I don't know why I have the views of sex that I do. Why do I want to have many different lovers? Try everything? Live out my fantasies? Surely, my extremism isn't normal.