I EAT WHOLE WHEAT BREAD PRODUCTS, OKAY? AND WE ALL KNOW IT TASTES LIKE NUTRITIOUS CRAP. I RESTRAIN FROM EATING THE ENTIRE JAR OF NUTELLA IN ONE GO. I JOG... SOMETIMES. ISH. WHATEVER. ARE YOU THE JOGGING POLICE? I EAT APPLES AND TAKE VITAMINS WHEN I REMEMBER. MY ONLY AIM IN LIFE IS TO NOT GET HURT AT ALL TIMES, AND I MOSTLY DO A GOOD JOB OF THAT. I AM A GOOD PERSON.
And my body is just a full-out bitch for no reason at all. Seriously. My immune system is like haha I fucking hate you and am going to make your life suck with ALL THE SICKNESS muahahahaha.
Wednesday of last week, I wake up and it's like lol nope you are sick there is a flail (those medieval spiky ball things yes I googled it don't judge me we're all learning something new here you're welcome) lodged in my throat and my brain has suddenly grown to press up against my skull uncomfortably and there is a niagara falls of mucus inside my nose just hanging out.
Some people refer to this as a "cold". I refer to it as "you are a bitch, nature, a cold hard bitch".
The next two days were spent on the couch basically dying and watching way too much TLC. Say Yes to the Dress is addicting I don't care what anyone says. I don't even know why I watched that show as much as I did but seriously I know all these fancy names for dress styles like MERMAID and BALL GOWN and ROUGING. Yeah. Educational.
Whatever, I got over it and went back to school on Friday and basically stuck it out with a whole bunch of kleenex tissues. My mom bought puffs plus and OMG THEY ARE LIKE HEAVEN ON YOUR NOSE SO SOFT AND PLUSH AND SHE ALSO BOUGHT THE SCENTED ONES AND IT WAS LIKE
YOU CAN'T RETURN TO REGULAR TISSUES AFTER BEING SHOWN THE MAGIC THAT IS PUFFS PLUS.
But I get sort of over it. I get off the couch, at least.
Then yesterday I wake up and it's like lol nope you are sick AGAIN.
GUESS WHO SUDDENLY GETS THE STOMACH FLU?
GABBY DOES. BECAUSE MY BODY HATES ME APPARENTLY. I WAS GOOD TO YOU, OKAY? I WAS SO DAMN GOOD TO YOU.
I think that's a song.
But actually. What is happening to me. You know what I ate yesterday? A piece of a toast.
One goddamn piece of toast. Guys. You don't understand. I have a beautiful relationship with food. It's delicious and I eat it. And it's just the best.
AND I CAN'T EAT.
I ALSO HAD A HORRIBLE FEVER. BUT WHILE MY BODY WAS HOT MY FEET FELT LIKE THEY WERE BATHED IN ICE WATER DESPITE THE FACT THAT I WAS WEARING THREE PAIRS OF SOCKS (TWO OF WHICH WERE FUZZY) AND SLIPPERS AND A BLANKET.
MY PAIN.
Now I'm feeling a little better, as I have eaten some crackers and gatorade and no longer have the feeling that I want to die as much. I probably am going to have to go to school tomorrow mostly because I want to go out on the weekend and only such is possible if I show my mom I'm "better" by tomorrow.
I got off the couch to write this so I think I'm okay.
But actually I am getting sick all the time it is not fair my immune system just sucks. And when I get sick, there is a 87% chance I will get sick again right after because it's just like LOL I HATE YOU GABBY. That is my body talking.
My body is a dick.
My body needs to get bitched slapped in the face.
I don't care if that doesn't make sense I AM SICK YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE MEAN TO A SICK PERSON.
I am most likely going to sleep through all my classes tomorrow. Huzzah. Responsible student at it's finest. Don't listen to me I'm a bad influence.
And just to make me feel better
troy bolton is my spirit animal.
OMG WHAT IF I AM TROY BOLTON FOR MIBBA HALLOWEEN DONE
but if anyone steals turducken i will be under your bed at night don't test me