Short Story about living with Ana

"Make yourself comfortable." I hear as I enter the small, stuffy room. 'Someone should open a window..' I remember thinking to myself, as I examine the paintings hanging on the wall. I pace around the room, walking circles around all the empty chairs. 'This is the day' Runs through my head. I nervously bite my lip and shake my keys. 'I'll never pass' is repeated in my mind compulsively, mocking me like a parrot. I violently shake my head to make it stop, but it only gets stronger. I shouldnt have eaten that strawberry last Tuesday, I sigh as I shake my head. I make my way around to the door I came in, and banged my head against it. Why why why why. I have no fucking self control. No wonder people hate me. I hate me too.
The door suddenly opens, and the same woman who lead me there appears. 'You're going to need to change.'
She says sternly, looking me up and down from behind her glasses. I lift an eyebrow as I follow her through the corridors. She leads me through a long, intimidating hallway, and stops at the third door on the left. 'In here.' She looks at me, then leaves. I take a deep breath before I open the door. It opens to reveal a small room, a hamper in the corner, a locker, and a coat rack with a robe hanging. 'The woman said I had to change', i think, 'but the only thing in here is that white robe.' I didnt want to ask her and then appear to be more stupid than I already am, but I'm not sure. It's obvious what she wants me to do, but I don't know if I can. There were mirrors around the room. I flinch as I catch a glimpse of myself. Hideous, creature. Does she expect me to only wear a robe? What can I wear under it? What can I keep on? I need my layers, my baggy clothes. I need their comfort so I wont seem as fat. The door opens and the bird-like woman pecks her head in, "Finished? Apparently not. I told you to change." I take a step back and cower down a little. I can never do a fucking thing right. I never have. I always disappoint people. thats all I am... a disappointment. In a breaking, unsteady voice I ask "What am I allowed to wear?"
Her face grows angry, her eyebrows clench, and she grinds her teeth. "I would think it would be obvious. At least to people with the intelligence of a 5 year old or above."
I clench my fist. Why am I so fucking dumb? Im not even as smart as a 5 year old, and this is coming from a stranger. Thats also why I'm failing school. I'll never be smart. I feel hot tears burn in my eyes.
"I... I'm sorry ma'am. You're completely right. I apologize, but uh.. The robe... What can I wear under it? How many layers do I need to take off?"
She rolls her eyes and bites her lip impatiently.
"Absolutely nothing" I hear as she slams the door.

As soon as the thought was processed, I began to cry. Hot tears, staining my face, messing up my makeup, being an overall nuisance. Why can't I control my feelings? I'm just a fucking cry baby. Worthless. I cant even handle when people give me the truth. Im an emotional wreck.. And no one wants to deal with that.

I try to make myself stop, but the idea that I have to be naked frightens me. I'm terrified. I cant do it. Please no.. Please! Im disgusted with my body. Pure, straight hatred. Ive never been more upset with anything before in my life. My hatred for my own body is simply unfathomable. I want to crawl out of my own skin.
"TICK TOCK. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE YOUR FUCKING CLOTHES? 5 YEAR OLD INTELLIGENCE LEVEL, I'M TELLING YOU!'
I have to get this over with. I need to just do it. It's required for all teenage girls. I have to. I need to. Come on, get yourself together you maggot. I tightly slam my eyes shut, and try not to think about it as I rip off all my clothes. I shudder as a cold breeze embraces my nude body. After losing so much weight, I get really cold a lot. It probably doesn't help that I only eat 700 calories a month. Beauty is worth it though. Whats life if you're not beautiful? Thats what I'd like to know. I quickly grab the robe and wrap it around myself tightly. This is so embarrassing.. I dont want everyone to see this.. This... This disgusting disgrace of a 'body'. I walk to the door and open it to find the woman with her arms crossed judgingly. 'Mmhmm. I see. Well, we better move on.' Without a backward glance she marches forward through the corridor until we reach the very end. We face two tall, monstrous double doors. 'It's been a pleasure.' The woman says with a hint of sarcasm and begins to walk away. 'Wait do I just...?' I begin to ask a question, but the annoyed, disgusted look on her face when she turns around shuts me right up. 'Nevermind. I got it..'
The woman turns back around and leaves without a word. To be honest, I didnt have it at all. I had no idea what I was doing. I felt so alone, and when I ask for help, people get annoyed. My best option is to just guess... Then take the wrap for whatever I unintentionally do wrong, because I never chose the right thing. There's a 99% chance, that on any given day, I will fuck up everything that I can. It's the way I am.. And I cant stand it.
I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and march through the doors. Im blinded by a bright white light. I squint and try to see where I'm supposed to go. Suddenly, I see the most beautiful woman I've ever seen before. Her long, flowing blonde hair, pairs with her bony body. Not an ounce of fat. I can individually see each and every one of her bones, and it is the most glorious thing I have ever set eyes on. This, of course, was Ana. "Come, my child.." She reaches out with her thin, skeleton arms and grabs my hand. "Lets see here..."
She backs away, leaving me to stand in the middle of the room. She holds her chin as she slowly eyeballs me up and down.
She snaps her finger, and a man comes out of nowhere and takes my robe off. I cry out and begin to shake. My hands instantly go to cover myself. I start crying. This man has made me feel vulnerable... exposed.... disgusting. "Stop it!" Ana grabs my hands and move them off my body. "Keep these away!!"
I curl them up to my face and begin to cry vigorously. Im so vulnerable. Theres nothing I can do. Im not controlling my own life anymore. Im simply sitting in the cinema seat watching it all flash by. I uncover my eyes to see Ana walking around me, lookin up amd down. Every single detail. I feel so disgusted. Shes so beautiful.... And my body,.. Well... I cant even put it into words. I begin to sob loudly and violently. 'IM SO SORRY! IM SORRY ANA! IM SORRY I AM SO SO SORRY!!' I cry with fiery tears rolling.
She simply puts a bony finger to my mouth and says 'Hush'. She continues inspecting me. She uses her long fingernails to grab at various fat on my body. I see her face turn to utter disgust as she pulls her hand away. She wipes them off on her pants, as if I had some sort of filth on my skin. She finally recomposes and stands facing me. While making complete eye contact she says 'You.. Are the most hideous creature I have seen.. Ever. Im holding back vomit from touching your disgusting fat rolls. You should be ashamed. You should really be ashamed.'
She had no idea how ashamed I actually was.
"Now, there is a crowd of people outside this door. I want you to walk through them, and out the doors in the back, and a helicopter will be waiting to take you to Failure Island."
I feel a panic attack coming on, but try to subdue it as best as possible.
I hang my head in shame as I walk over to pick up the robe.
"Oh, nuh uh! Im using you as an example. I want everyone to see what they will look like if they fail me." Ana mentions, taking the robe from my hands.
"Bye now. You may come back when you get more self control and less disgusting."
I feel complete and hopeless desperation as I'm slowly pushed to the door. I open it to see a huge crowd of people, all of them dropping their jaws when they lay eyes on me. Sound erupts. Laughter. Taunting. Yelling. Puking. People started throwing whatever they had at me. After they ran out of small things, they moved to chairs, and other large things. I couldnt believe myself. I couldnt do this anymore. I cried out in acceptance as I feel to the ground, waiting to be killed by the mob.