Well he got 10-15 years in prison. It makes me happy, but guilty still that I put my first love (I know it sounds sick but I loved him) in prison. He can go rot in hell for all I care though. Mixed emotions alert.
The way I feel about shit is messed up, I know. I wish it were different. I wish I could say that it was the most horrible experience ever, but at times it wasn’t. Sometimes he could be so gentle, but other times he was so rough and forceful. Yes, he raped me. No we never made love. It was sex sometimes. Just plain sex not forceful not loving, just sex. I miss those just sex moments. He made me feel special and pretty. When he raped me I felt dirty and used. See? How am I supposed to sort through these emotions when he played with me head so badly? Gah.
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