The life of a teenage flattened hedgehog.

Today I spiked my mum's drink.

"WHAT?!?! BEFFAN THAT IS SO TOTALLY NOT COOL. YOU COULD GET UNDER ARRESTED FOR THAT. SHE GAVE BIRTH TO YOU WITH HER VAGINA. WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE HER DRUNKED LOL." I hear you cry.

The answer to that is I didn't do it on PURPOSE you FUCKING KNOBS.

I was simply trying to make cocktails last night with fruit shoots, vodka, gin, undiluted squash, milk (I heard the greeks use it, and the greeks are usually happy, so. unless they're being invaded by germany. but germany invades everywhere and everyone. it's like ian. or SquatFlu. I'll get onto that in a minute), wine, coke, lemonade, weird green stuff, and smoothie. So yeah. Everything I could find in my kitchen.

And I mixed it all in a big bowl, sprinkled some holy water over it, and BAM. A drink that tastes like shit. Anyway I was emptying it into the normal juice bottles, it was orange, so obviously my mum mistook it for juice. But in all fairness, she should have fucking noticed. Her mistake, not mine. It's always her fault.

I told her when she got home from work today. Yeah, she shouted at me in Welsh. But jokes on her. Because that just reminded me of Jamie from lostprophets and the fact that he wants to fertilise my eggs and made me happy. In shouting at me she made me happy. Oh, but she threw away my alcohol. That made me sad again.

I also cut my fringe today.
I was trying to look like Rena Lovelis.
I look like Rowan Atkinson.

Bummer.

How have you all been? Are any of you going to name your babies after me by the way? I totally understand if you'd want to, but please run it past me first. I don't want to get confused and have to turn to alcohol, mainly because I have none now that my mum's thrown it away.

Someone on anon said I look like a horse that walked into the m25. What kind of horse fucking walks into the M25? What were they doing, playing MCR in it's stable?
But it effected me because I'm insecure which in my case is a code word for ugly and I know it.

Gay porn time.

** Squat flu is what we now all suffer. Squatting is becoming an epidemic. If that's a real word. Which I'm certain it isn't. It's tricking us.