3 years, huh?
I can’t help but wonder what you were doing. I say this every year, I know, but it’s true. I want to know what was on your mind. Were you scared? Were you at peace? Who were you thinking of? Was it me, or your family, or your friends? I don’t know why I want to know so badly. I guess I just want to understand.
Because even after all those years, I never understood you. I don’t think I was supposed to, truth be told. It’s why we worked so well together. We knew each other so well, but we didn’t quite understand everything about each other and it always left something for us to learn and work on. It stopped things getting boring.
I still miss you, you know. Of course you know. How could I not miss you? You and your charming little grin, the way you’d talk your way out of any situation, and talk me into even worse ones. Your ridiculous obsession with Nike – and I say that as I’m wearing an Adidas t-shirt, Adidas track pants and Adidas socks – and of course, your insane ability to give a play by play of almost every world cup final from 1986 onwards.
I suppose, like usual, I should let you know what I’ve been up to in the last year. Let’s see… Kiara had another two kids, like she’s not insane enough already, so now she has Aimee, Jared, Cody, Jason, Aly and Rachel. Sheesh. And, um, well, I had a girlfriend, she turned out to be a complete psycho, so I ended things with her, and I’m going to try and be happy (like I don’t say that every year, even though I know things won’t be the same, because you’re not with me). Um, I was made full time at work, I got drunk a lot, I got drunk a lot more, we came 3rd in the division for soccer, I took up beach volleyball again, I started to play touch football, and I’m getting back into indoor cricket.
I went interstate… twice. I saw Coldplay, they were amazing! You would’ve loved it, for sure. I’m going to get a line from Fix You tattooed on my ribs later this year for you, I know you’d like that.
I guess that’s about it, to be honest. It was kind of a boring year. I really just got drunk a lot, if I’m totally honest with you. I blame my now ex. She drove me to drinking so I could pretend like I cared about all of her bullsh*t.
Ah, who am I kidding, you don’t want to hear about her, do you baby?
I still miss you, each and every day, babe. I don’t know how I’ve lasted this long without you, but I assure you, it’s been a nightmare. You know how difficult it is to get by without you here to keep me out of trouble?
I say every year that I’m going to be stronger and be happier and all of that crap, and I’m not going to do that this year, because I don’t know if I can right now. I’m in a tunnel and there isn’t a light at the end. I have a countdown until September, which is when I can get away from everything, even if it is only for a few weeks while I go to England.
Oh, yeah, I’m going to England, babe! I’m going to see a real football match, I’m going to learn to talk like a pommy, and I’m probably going to get fat on English chocolate, lollies, and Auntie Christine’s home cooking, which I hear is actually better than my mam’s.
I’ll stop rambling now. I just wanted to say, without a doubt, that I love you baby, and I always will. I miss you so much, each and every day, but I know you’re happy up there in Heaven with your mum, catching up with her and watching over me.
I love you, babe.
Always.
Aimee Rose; 27/10/1993 – 28/01/2010
Forever in our hearts.
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