so. my uncle jimmy died of cancer on January 9th, 2013. What a great way to start off this year right? but most people only understand and know life of the people who survive cancer and are strong enough to kick its butt. what they dont know... is how love ones cope with the loss of some. so. here is my version of what i have seen happen so far.
Most people will come to a funeral. Some for the money. Others to help family members cope better and see that they have a STRONG support group behind them. Others go to say their final goodbyes. It is always truly amazing to see what a death will bring out in people.
My aunt carol was the wife of my uncle jim. She has taking it hard. Some days are harder than others, but. she knows time will heal all. She has resorted to taking sleeping pills so she may sleep off the reality of the loss of her husband. thou this is helping her for now, i'm afraid that she might end up taking too much on a night that she has just had enough and will overdose.
Brandy. My aunt carols daughter. She has an alcohol problem and now that her dad is gone, its even worse. She will take off in the night so she can go drinking and wont come back till late evening the next day. I'm not positive if it is intentional or if she does this so she wont have to be in the same house that her father died in. Im not positive if she just thinks that is her only way of hiding the pain, dealing with the pain, or if now she is just using her fathers death as an excuse to drink more.
Jay. He's named after his dad and took it hard. He doesnt come around much and now its even worse. His condition is still unknown of.
Kevin. Prolly the strongest one of my uncle jims children. He was there throughout the whole ordeal. He stuck by his dad's side through it all. He cried, he laughed, but most of all he helped hold all the children when they cried, helped explain what was happening to his children instead of sugarcoating it, and then he allowed others to cry on his shoulder. He is truly a strong man.
My dad. Oh daddy, daddy, daddy. Dad and Uncle Jim share the same birthday. Dad took it the hardest of them all i believe. He cried. but not half as much as i thought he was going to. He basically just hid his feelings. and now every now and then, he will go into anger bursts and no one understands it, but basically its because he bottles it all up, he doesnt express his feelings. He has gotten skinnier and now he will work all day as long as possible and barely sleeps. im afraid hes going to hurt himself this way.
My mom. she seemed to be a little selfish at first but now i realized it was her way of dealing with the pain. sometimes she damns my uncle jimmy for leaving. other times, she will give us words of wisdom.
My baby sister and brother. My sister understands a lot. she cried more than me, for i didnt even cry. she will still cry randomly but it is to be expected. and my baby brother is too young to understand. he knows whos house it is when we go to visit. he even remembers to be quiet when going past uncle jims room bc the last time he seen uncle jimmy he was sick in bed and close to death. But my brother was a very good source of happiness for my uncle jim.
Now me. I always claimed to be his favorite niece. He allowed me to myself and helped me picked on my mom. and now he is gone. i find it unfair. very unfair. but when has life ever gone the way we plan? i miss him terrribly, BUT i havent cried. NOT ONCE. i wish i could. but i feel that if i were to cry i would be letting him down because he was the strongest one. and now i have to be strong too. for him. life isnt fair.
so what i am going to try and do is come up with an organization for people who lose their love ones to cancer to have a place to go. to stay and deal with the pain with others who have also felt their pain because they too have lost a loved one. cancer isnt a game. but we cant hate cancer. cancer allows us to appreciate the time we have with someone. and time is ticking away, and is precious. it truly is. but. it may not always seem it.
Not registered?
Create an account