Jealousy.

Although I know that I will most likely succeed in life, I cannot help but be resentful towards those individuals who have absolutely no idea where they are going in life. My life feels too planned out, and I hate it. I’ve got to stay in this god-forsaken town, work my ass off to pay off a car I should have never gotten, pursue a degree in nursing at the local university, and manage to maintain my sanity in the midst of all the commotion. To top it all off I am dealing with the heartbreak of a long distance relationship. I shouldn’t be heart broken because we are doing okay, but I am getting so fed up with being apart. It’s been almost two years and nothing yet. No kiss, no hug, not even a handshake for Christ-sake. It is DRAINING me. I don’t know. I just wish I could be more like other friends of mine… They have been out of high school for quite some time now and have chosen to not go to college; to certain individuals (such as my grandmother), this sounds like an incredibly stupid idea. Her idea is that someone will not succeed and have a hard life if they do not pursue higher education and get a higher paying job… but maybe that’s not what life is all about. My friends who are not going to college are pursuing and tasting little bits of their dreams! Some are traveling and seeing places… They are exploring the regions I have only dreamt of… One is living in L.A. with her porn star cousin and meeting all sorts of interesting characters. I envy that. While everyone is exploring and experiencing all sorts of things, I am stuck at home. Feeling trapped. I feel so caged. I don’t like all of this order. I would rather wander about than be suck in a world where people are basically killing each other for spots in the college of nursing.I don’t know. Maybe I will be thankful that I followed my semi-dream of being a nurse. Who knows. I just wish I could be free.

/Rant.