Dreaming, I Was Only Dreaming.

"Dreaming, I was only dreaming
Of another place and time...."

The lyrics of Green Day's, "Before the Lobotomy" run through my mind every time I think about a dream. A dream that doesn't make any sense. A dream that constantly brings people, dead or alive, from the past. I only think about two dreams the most.

One dream I once had was about my late friend, Heidi. It seemed like a flashback kind of memory dream. Us, with two of our other friends, at a park having a good time. Swinging on the swings laughing like we had once did before. She was telling each of us something individually. I remember seeing her whispering something in one of our friend's ear. She did this around the circle. Then it was my turn. Heidi told me not to worry anymore and that everything will be fine. Move on in life and live a little. As I look back I remember I was having a bad time. Thinking about suicide, self harming or even going back into old habits. Her coming to me in a dream and telling me this made me realize, I do need to take her advice. But why did she come to me in a dream? When she died we wasn't a close as we used to be. We was distant but still acknowledge each other every other day. So this confused me. What concerned her to come to me in a dream? Was she watching over me during those days? Did she not like what I was thinking about? This I may never know.

Another dream I had was about my ex, JD. I haven't dreamt about this kid for a long time, so it surprised me he was in this one. He came out of nowhere, running towards me. He looked like he had been crying. As he reaches me, he collapses to his knees and hugs my waist. I didn't have a reaction to his actions. I just stood there, as he continued to sob into my waist. In between sobs, he's saying how he can go on with life, how much he's sorry for everything, he made a mistake, and how he didn't want to say goodbye. My reaction was still the same. Nothing. Waking up from this dream, kind of freaked me out. Why was he in my dreams? Why was he being this way? Especially why was he sorry? I really don't care about this kid anymore. Nor do I ever want him back. This has me thinking really hard. Will this dream come true? Why did I have this dream? Why is he telling me all this when we don't talk anymore? Again I may never know.

So why do we have dreams like this? Why have dreams of people from the past come and tell us things that leaves us thinking? Again we may never know. These questions haunt me. And the dreams get weirder with the same people. What should I do?

"Dying, everyone's reminded
Hearts are washed in misery
Drenched in gasoline...."