Look at the mess you have created.

I messed up my life, I truly and honestly did. I got involved in things I shouldn’t have, and did things I knew was wrong. The only girl who has ever truthfully loved me? I scared her and hurt her. I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me, and if she does then she is most likely making a giant mistake. I don’t know what took over me. I loved her, I really did. But I just, got so caught up in things that took me to places I never wanted to be. It was ethereal, being beyond my own psyche and drugged out.

That’s the point of this. I don’t know if she’ll ever see it, but I’m so sorry.

Baby girl, I mistreated you.

I hurt you.

I scared you.

I changed you.

It hurts me to know it.

I’m ashamed of it.

I hate myself.

I’m so sorry.

You are more than I could have ever wanted, and I let you slip between my fingers. It took me too long to realize it, and when I did I lost everything because I knew I had lost you. You were the best thing to happen to me, and I was the worst to happen to you. I’ll never be okay with what I did to you, I will never find peace with it, or accept it for what it was. It was wrong, and that is the only thing that matters. You are the only thing that matters.

And seeing you now makes me realize that. It took me over a year, but I finally got to see you smile again. I hope that smile never fades, and that you’ll find that somebody who can make you smile like I used to. You deserve at least that.

Never forget what I did to you. I know I never will.