May 6th, 2013

I have decided to start a blog. Why? For the hell of it, and for people to get to know who I am and how I became 'me' to this day.

To start off, I was born on july 4, 1990. Fireworks, fireworks, fireworks. I have a best friend who I've been friends with since we were 6. I am a high school drop out, I dropped out in 2009 (my super senior year), but received my GED in 2010 in february. Now I am applying to Penn state online to major in psychology.

I know some people who think of dropping out of high school is weak and the easy way out, most girls who drop out are pregnant. No, I wasn't pregnant.

To get into a deeper part of me, take away the smiles and my jokes, I have a panic disorder and have been dealing with depression since I was 8. I'm also emetaphobic (fear of vomit, sickness) which is the cause of my anxiety (thinking im going to be sick in public or see someone get sick). This is why I don't do parties, I dissect my food, and freak out for the following 24 hours after I eat. I do have good days when I don't worry so much, but this causes me to lose weight from not eating.

Anyways, like I said I have anxiety and a panic disorder. When I was 15 it was so bad, I couldn't leave my house. I would have panic attacks in my own back yard, on my own front step. That's when I was diagnosed with agoraphobia.

I missed all of my junior year in high school, only making it to one class (and I remember it being on Halloween). They sent a teacher to my house every day for about a month to catch up, then when I went back to school I would stay in the guidance office, alone.

They put me on medication and I was amazing the following year, and unfortunately, I didn't have enough credits to graduate. The next year I fell into depression again and my anxiety came back. So I dropped out.

That's the story.

And now I am going to try my best to get a psychology major and help others in my situation, or even people with worse problems.

I have it managed now. I do get bad days, but I have more better days than bad. I work in retail at the moment which is ok...better than fast food.

Anyway that's the boring part out of the way. I'll write in here again tomorrow :) Have any questions? Just send a message.