Time to Break Down the Walls

It bothers me, that I thought of opening my heart to him only to hear I may never see him again. It bothers me because for a second, a spilt second I considered letting down my walls to him because I've been told to let more people in. Yet, what's the point? what's the point if I may never see or talk to him again?

I don't know if this should be a learning experience or a warning to never let anyone in, to never consider it even. I think what is bothering me the most is the fact that, it seemed like he likes me back but I will never know for sure because I'm more scared than brave.

I think I should tell him, let him know. He admitted he wanted at most a friendship with me, for me to open up to him yet I can't do that. I don't think anyone knows how hard it is for me to trust people, it seems like such an excuse that everyone uses but I've been hurt and betrayed for years and I refuse to experience that same pain again.

Yet the more I think of it, the more I think I need to let this out. Even if it's just a piece of the wall that's being broke down it's still progress, and even the smallest amount of progress is better than building the walls even higher. I shouldn't let this bring me down, I should let myself close off from people. Yes, it's going to hurt, it's going to hurt like hell but I refuse to let it be the thing that makes or breaks me.

So yes, I will open up because although it will hurt when he's gone, in the long run I will learn to be more open around people.