Questioned

Am I alive or am I dead? I use to hurt myself to find out, but I've become numb to the pain instead it heals my broken heart, broken thoughts, and broken dreams. The thought makes me feel like I'm crazy, but maybe I am. Maybe that's why I enjoy the numbness, maybe that's why I hear voices, maybe that's why I do what they tell me to do, maybe that's why I am the way I am, maybe that's why I push everyone away, but I'ts ok with me I'd rather them leave then me hurt them I've already hurt so many.