My Chemical Romance

I know this sounds really cliche and whatever, but MCR really did save my life. They are my anti depressant. In 6th grade I was so depressed. Every single day I wondered why I didn't just end it. Every single day I wondered what id the god damn point. That is a lot for an 11 year old to be thinking, I know, but I've always been mature for my age. One night, I actually did try to end it. I took a lot of pills, I don't remember how much and I sat in the bathroom with the door locked and waited for the end to come. I got very sick and threw them all up. A year or two later I learned that I threw them all up because I took the pills wrong. I took them fast when your supposed to take them slowly, and I should have used alcohol. I never tried again because I thought, maybe theres a reason I didn't die. A few months later I heard "I'm not okay" by MCR. that song explained my whole life. It wasn't even just the words, it was the melody and the drums and everything about it. I got obsessed with this band and read about them and listened to all their music and they gave me hope. I read that they got into the music business to save people's lifes, because Gerard and other members used to be suicidal too. Just knowing that I wasn't alone. Knowing that they made it their life goal to help people like me, made me want to help myself.

The people that I know/knew cut themselves for no reasons. Over some boy or how kids at school treated them. One of them is depressed mentally so that's her only excuse. So I never really thought anyone was like me until this band. Unlike a lot of kids that cut, I actually did/ do it for reasons other then boy / friend drama. I'm not going to get into those reasons because they are personal and still get me upset to this day and the reason I do now is incredibly personal. I also think I do have depression because I have all the symptoms. I am still depressed, probably in the worst time of my life at this moment. I have nothing going for me. Ocassionally, I do think of suicide, and I do cut. But for right now, My Chemical Romance is my anti depressant and my thing worth living for until I get up the courage to tell people about my personal life and until I'm okay with it.