Wow, Gabby, really? Really now? You're going to be that arrogant, to believe such a thing as others are dying from jealousy because of your supposed 'awesomeness'? You actually went there, to Kanye West levels? Do you really believe that?
Now, say, Mibba, this were another time. Two weeks ago, for example, I may have to regretfully answer that question with a humble but honest no. There are not people who are severely wishing to be me right now. Those people do not exist. Sad but true times.
However, this is not other time. THIS IS THE TIME.
THIS IS OUR TIME.
Now before I go all footloose on your asses, let be explain. What could have changed so drastically in these two weeks, you may wonder? Oh, Mibba, oh naive little Mibba, so much. Everything has changed.
God if anything you gotta admit I am killer at build ups. Like shit at this point I feel like I should reveal I'm Obama or something. I'm not Obama, by the way. Spoiler alert. I'm still Gabby. Albeit, still awesome though.
NO, THIS, DARE I SAY IT, IS EVEN BETTER?
I HAVE MADE THE PURCHASE OF A LIFE TIME, MIBBA. A LIFE TIME. THIS PURCHASE, YOU MAY ASK?
A ONE DIRECTION ONESIE.
I shit you not, Mibba. I am being totally and completely honest. I have made an investment. A twenty dollar investment. In a one direction onesie. I am not even kidding. I bought it.
My best friend and I were in a bargain shop, just looking to get some snacks or munchies of some sort and pina colada glasses, when I saw it. It was like time stopped. Froze. Everything else slowly faded away. A light from the heavens shone down. You and Me by Lifehouse plays softly in the background.
I've found it.
I have found my soul mate.
The One Direction onesie.
Now my friend, she sees me heading towards it. Words are coming from her mouth but I can't hear it over the gentle melody of Lifehouse. No, is she saying? Is she saying no?
It doesn't matter. I can't hear her over my cackling towards the cash register with my new one direction onesie in tow.
YES I BOUGHT IT HOW WAS I NOT TO? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU ACT LIKE I HAVE WILL POWER OVER NOT MAKING STUPID PURCHASES. WHICH I CLEARLY DO NOT.
omg I totally love it.
Even though it's sort of small 'cause I'm like 99% sure it's made for like 12 year olds but hey now having small tits has finally gotten some perks. WHO KNEW HAVING THE BODY OF A 12 YEAR OLD WOULD COME IN HANDY? I'm just a little tall for it, is all, whutevs.
The word glorious is all that's in my vocabulary right now.
Now I know you're thinking but Gabby are you even a TRUE ONE DIRECTION FAN? WELL I'LL TELL YOU. I KNOW THEY HAVE AT LEAST THREE DIFFERENT SONGS. AND THE PRETTY TAN ONE IS CALLED ZAYN.
SO HA.
I AM CLEARLY THEIR BIGGEST FAN. YOU "DIRECTIONERS" CAN JUST STOP NOW. I AM CLEARLY THEIR NUMBER ONE. GET ON MY LEVEL.
I know you're all waiting for the picture of it and yes it is as glorious as you're imagining:
wow I know.
The tan one is clearly going to come for me and take me away as he should for their biggest fan.
I've even named him, my onesie.
His name is Beauregard. I hope you're fond of him because you will be seeing much of him in the future. Beauregard and I are going to have a long and happy life together.
also beauregard would like you to check this out because of reasons shh just do it
This is the sort of love that songs are written about.
Sigh.
What a time to be alive.