But there's good and there's bad so I'll start with the bad and move into the good because...
Guys. Guys. Oh my god, I was dying. Like so I went to class today and he was like (in his adorable little accent-but-not-an-accent), "Today, we are going to do gesture." (He has this funny lilt to the way he talks that I wish I knew how to explain but I don't so SADFACE). I just died. I mean, I knew there was going to be a lot of gesture drawing in this class, don't get me wrong, but I just hate it so much and I still wanted a few days to get my shit together before I let him see me draw (obviously so I could impress him and he'd fall in love with me and we'd make awesome little artist babies). Like, gesture is hard for me, guys. Especially since my pencils haven't come in the mail yet so all I had was compressed charcoal to work with and compressed charcoal is NO FUN because a) I haven't used it that much so I'm not the best at it, b) it's super dark (at least the kind I have) so shading is a bitch), and c) IT GETS FUCKING EVERYWHERE.
Like I picked up a stick of it at the beginning of class then I realized five minutes later that I was pretty sure I had touched my face after picking it up so I was like rubbing at my mouth like a fucking dope fiend the entire class (two hours and forty-five minutes) because I thought I had charcoal somewhere on my jaw. Luckily I could check at break with my phone and I didn't but I still kept rubbing at my face because PARANOID.
But like I had to explain to him that my supplies hadn't come yet so that was fucking embarrassing, too, and I was just like panicking "OH MY GOD, HE'S GOING TO THINK I'M A TOTAL FUCK-UP! PROBABLY BECAUSE I AM A TOTAL FUCK-UP FUUUUCK!!"
And like I felt like the entire room knew whenever I was looking at the nude model's dick (because it was very distracting even though he was like forty because even if it wasn't a particularly sexy dick, it was one of those ones that was sized just right that it like... stuck out, ya'know. Like I just couldn't stop looking at it because it always looked like it was looking back at me.
Speaking of the nude model, why couldn't Ken be the model? I would have liked that a lot... :'(
And it always felt like Ken was standing right behind me (which he was a lot, but I never could hear when he wandered off so it felt like he was behind me a LOT more than he probably was) and I just trying not to cry like DON'T LOOK AT MY SHITTY DRAWINGS I'M NOT GOOD AT GESTURE IT'S TOO SLOPPY AND FAST AND I DRAW SLOW AND DETAILED AND THIS JUST SUCKS!! And it didn't help that the girl next to me who was like a junior or a senior was fucking dominating and I just wanted to steal all her drawings and be like "This is mine; I drew this! See how good I draw gesture?"
But just yeah, the class was just a total shitfest it felt like until close to the end, he talked to me!
Well, he talked to me when I was explaining my supplies hadn't come yet and to point out in passing that something about one of my sketches, but this time he just stood next to me between drawings and was just like "Are you getting tired?" (because we basically have to stand for nearly three hours straight with our arm extended which SUCKS)
And intelligent me was like "*awkward giggle because that's what I do* A little bit, yeah."
And then I was just like
BECAUSE HE TALKED TO ME AND I WAS JUST TOO FUCKING DUMBSTRUCK TO CONVERSATION!! LIKE HOW DOES ONE CONVERSATION?! (which is me most of the time anyway but just for once I wanted to have something really witty and sound all smart and mature and like just UGH! Why can't I be cooler?!) So after that he kind of walked behind me and stopped like over my right shoulder to start the next session and I just wanted to melt into a puddle of fuckmylife. GUH!
But I still couldn't help being giddy because he talked to me even though he didn't have to and the girl on my other side was like 10x better at, you know, normal human interaction than me but he talked to me and even though I crashed and burned HE FUCKING TALKED TO ME FOR NO REASON, YALL!
Then there was the whole thing at the beginning of class when he had to fix the lights and I got to see his belly. His shirt rode up because he was trying to fix one of the lights over the little stage thingy and like I saw almost have of his belly and just UGH! He's so fucking perfect. Like I think a lot of people assume that most girls like really fit guys and bla bla bla but while I like people who are muscular, I tend not to go for six-packs or flat bellies. Like, I like a squishy gut because ew (in my opinion. #sorrynotsorry) but I like it when guys have a little bit of a belly. I just find it sexy and I like to lay my head there and just yeah, it's nice. And he had like the perfect amount of belly and he's kind of hairy which, I'm also one of those weird girls who like body hair, so yeah. Like, guys, he's just perf. Like ugh, can I just have him already? Please? I don't even care if I'm socially inept and I'll probably never be able to have a real conversation with him. I just want to lick him all over.
And if he ever saw these blogs I'd probably have a restraining order out against me but
I still kind of have this fantasy in my head where he's dating my foundation drawing instructor, but I would not hesitate to strip him the moment he displays even the slightest bit of interest. Like you do not understand how perf he is until you see him I can't even express how much just GAAAHH he exudes. I want to marry him. Please. KTHXBAI.
Also: T.O.P. says bai-bai:
