D(I am)mond

D(I am)mond - Stick to Your Guns

I am a brave man, I am a coward
I am the tiger, I am the flower
I am honest, and I'm a liar
I am vital, and I am tired
I am a free man, I am caught
From where I am, I see the top
I am, most importantly never concerned with what I am not.

I really doubt that anyone is going to read this. But Mibba, I have to say it: I am homesick. After being away from my family and friends in New Jersey for less than two months, I'm finding it harder and harder to stay here. But please don't get me wrong. I love my kids and I love my job, but all the other bullshit I have to put up with is ridiculous.

I signed a contract with the school I am volunteering at. I agreed to stay for the duration of 10 months and teach English. They, in return, would agree to leasing my apartment, complete with AC, wifi, and cable, and providing it fully furnished. I would also be given a flight reimbursement and a monthly stipend for electricity.

So far, I have been fighting tooth and nail to get the things promised to me. When I moved into my apartment three weeks ago, I was told I had only my bed and a fridge, which was fine (at the time). But allow me to tell you my living conditions. I have only a bed, a fridge, a table and chairs, and a TV. I have nothing else. I had to bother the shit out of my supervisor just to get a microwave and silverware. My stove was delivered over a week ago and it's still not hooked up.

I don't have money to waste on take out. Hell, I barely have any money at all. I am living as minimally as I can with the budget I have, trying to stretch every dollar to its fullest. I save paper towels. I use shopping bags for garbage. I have eaten nothing but cereal and peanut butter sandwiches since I've been here. I splurged on one item--a bottle of rum--which I am drinking sparingly.

I have been badgering my supervisor for the past week to get my stove installed and my washer (for my clothes) installed too. She laughed at me today and said, "Go to a laundromat!" when I asked her when it was being delivered. Again, imagine my frustration. I am in a brand new country, no car, no friends, no family--and the one person who is supposed to be helping me the most is laughing at me.

She is not a poor woman, either. She owns an airline. She's very rich. She told me after to go to the laundromat that she maxed her credit card out on me (for things for my apartment, which I haven't seen any of). It is getting harder and harder to want to stay here when the things that had been promised to me months ago (I signed my contract in April) still are not here.

Not to mention I've been bummed out on Mibba too. I'm beginning to think my stories are no good. Writing them has almost become a chore. I don't want to disappoint my readers with a lack of updates, but unfortunately when I'm like this, the last thing I want to do is write. But I do it because I love each and every one of you, and I know that when I write, I will feel better... eventually. I also feel like maybe I'm not as great a writer as everyone says I am. I've gotten zero recognition and I feel like I beg for feedback. I hate being like that.

But regardless, I will press on and strive to get the things that I want and need from both my school and on Mibba. No one's going to read this, anyways.

In the words of Stick to Your Guns: "I am forever more than just surviving--this is my life, and this life is my diamond."