No....

All of those days.. of violence.. are almost like a blur of bloodshed.
Clarifying.
In a military institution.. I was destroyed. I went in 14 years old..
People talk about bullying like..in school in stuff...yeah..ive had that all my life. I was always the anti social kid who didn't give a shit about anyone..so I was shunned for it my whole life.
But this..no..this wasnt bullying..this was pure fucking torture..
I had a hispanic friend from Guadalajara Mexico. A lot of them were from there... we talked while I lent him a game..I brought up the wrong subject..people are picked on by the way they dress..like a misconception. There was a military dress code..so I couldn't imagine how much worse itd be if I did wear what I wanted...I told him my style of music.. the heavy screaming shit.. he stared at me...
Never spoke to me since..beyond calling me emo and twisting my name to terrible things...I would get beaten..every day.. ring tapped on my elbow in the showers until I bled everywhere... woken from my sleep to being beaten with clothes hangers by dozens of them.. held down and they cut up my arms and my chest. Whip me with a towel until I bled everywhere. Anything..a human being could do to another..without committing murder. The part of it os though..none of my leaders helped me like they were supposed to....

They joined in...I cant..to this day..describe the inmeasurable amounts of pain...they caused me..not mental...but phsyical..
How can a human being....do this to another....

.........
Ive never exactly..by specifications relived this..until now..
...

I remember.. my platoon leader came in..and put his sword to me.. carving mazes and lines Into my arms.. after holding a gun to me..with two other people who had rifles..ready to beat me down..if I so much as whimpered...or moved... I entirely understand military discipline...but..this.was not that...

They would come in..and choke me..every other night..just like my dad used to do to me... I would wake up..minutes later..to a vicious beating...being held down and getting beaten in the ribs by the butt of a gun...
I had no escape from this torture....for two..long years...I bottled it all inside...no way to let it go...then one night.. I fell asleep. And he was there... he also tortured me..in my dreams...viciously..relentlessly..feeding from everything I held inside..
There was a storm brewing in my blackening heart....
Only he knew how to set it in motion...
When I finally embraced the chaos he offered me..
The darkness was there for me...when everyone else...was not..
Greeive was there for me..

I snapped... I would lure random people for even looking at me..into a brutal..vicious blindside.
Almost sued several times...for nearly beating them to death...they head it coming...they all did..and every last one of them were going to squirm and scream for me.. wether there would be blood or not..
I prefered it when there was...
I realized I was an expert at mental warfare... a local girl in the area.. who I will not name.
Had a thing for me...
I had a thing for her too... for her screaming..
I talked to her for months...got so close...then bam...
Tore her to fucking oblivion from the inside out.
Two days later...she killed herself.
Shame..

I felt nothing for this girl.. I couldn't feel anything anymore...
I was an entity of rage..accompanied by an entity of hate.

Im going to stop...
I cant say anymore...
He aalready saw me again...
I had a dream last night..
I was brushing my teeth..about to go out for a nice nights supper..with whom..I dont know...maybe it was with myself..
I look down at the sink to spit..and I look back up...my reflection was not my own...
His face..his demonic evil face..his black eyes tore holes into my existence..
He looked so angry too....
Im not afraid of him...
I made him. I want to kill him..
......

I have to go....