DROWNING MYSELF IN SELF MISERY | BLOODLINE SERIES

OH MY GOD.

Oh my God.

I've been crying for the past half-hour. When I flipped to the last page of the book, I freaked out and threw it at the opposite wall of my bed and consequentially ended up throwing it in my hamper of dirty clothes which was only one temper tantrum that precedented my series of expressions of both misery and agony.

I love books, okay?
A lot of people don't understand but I love them. I love them so damn much. Like, maybe I would have a lot of time on my hands if I didn't spend it with my nose buried in between the pages of each chapter but it's who I am; I feel at home between the words. Like a kindredness, maybe not between I and the author, but the fact that it's actually possible for someone to create and want to think up of a person who's so abstract and concrete all at the same time that the book itself is plausible and something we can get wrapped up in. I am most certainly wrapped up in this.

Everywhere I've lived, it's never been home. It's been a house and I say, "I want to go home," but a book has been more stabilizing in my life and more of a constant than the numerous places/houses/apartments I've lived in.

Anyways, the bloodline series came out on the 19th and because my best friend is both amazing and insane (and much more) she bought me the book and handed it to me two days ago. I started reading it this morning and finished around 8 tonight or so.

If you guys haven't read vampire academies or bloodline series spinoff I won't spoil it but I will say one thing:

IM FUCKING PISSED OFF. THIS IS NOT OKAY. THIS IS MOST CERTAINLY NOT GOING TO BE OKAY.

I am so disappointed and saddened by what happened that I literally can't. I am blaring Lana del Rey and actually worrying to a point where I'm thinking about when the next release is, and I'm FUCKING WORRIED. ABOUT NON-EXISTING CHARACTERS. WHAT.

I knew this was going to happen to Sydney but at the same time I was so caught up in everything else that this would never happen to her. Honestly, I'm so scared for both her and Adrian that I just don't know what to do.

Maybe precalculus homework but I'm literally in the fuck it stage of post-reading.

I just want them to be happy. Is that so hard? Why cant there be a pure form of happiness that's not so tainted? Why do people always try to bring down others?

Why do we love people who are too scared to open their hearts?
Why do I love a fictitious abstract thought? Maybe it's not as abstract as it seems. Maybe characters love on in us. I don't know.

I want to read the next book already ::cry:

God.

I'm going to just continue being sad until I find te next release date and most likely spew out my feelings in hasty but emotional poetry no one will really read.

I'm actually really sad.

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