I know I shouldn't feel this way ...

... but I do. I know I'm not the only one that watch the numbers. You know what I mean. I keep track of them, watching the patterns of hits and readers. I make notes of increased traffic to this story or that. I try to keep up with which readers on which websites are regulars, regardless of whether they comment on or simply recommend my stories.

I'm a math person. Numbers are my second language. So numbers watching comes naturally to me.

I'm not complaining by any means, and I mean this in a jovial way. Please don't misunderstand me. But here's where I get annoyed. That's really too strong of a word, but I'm too lazy to use a thesaurus right now. Every so often I'll see an up-tick in interest on a story. There will be a dramatic increase in traffic for a sort period before it resumes its usual steady amount. And I love it! My question is, though, where are these increases coming from?

I am not ashamed to admit that I like to know which reclists I'm on. I don't keep track of them, but I know several on Tumblr that have more than one of my stories on them. (Oh my God, I love you people!! You seriously don't know what that means to me! It's amazing to be on reclists that I followed before I started writing!) Recently, however, I haven't seen my stuff posted on any new ones. But I'm not really trying to find them either. Perhaps things have gone beyond my little circle now. Considering my circle is pretty small, that's not really so far- fetched.

It could be too that people outside of the MCR (Frerard) fandom are now reading some of my stuff. I have yet to really link my fanfictions to my writing career; not too long from now I'll be sharing that with my fanfiction readers. As I prepare to publish my debut novel though, there is an unavoidable link; my debut novel just happens to be a longer, expanded version of one of my stories that has the same title. I've been publicizing it as I talk with people. Perhaps people are already engaging with my writing.

Regardless, I enjoy these short bouts of increased readers. In fact, I take pride in knowing that my numbers are steadily increasing overall. Considering I don't utilize "pimp" threads or any other sort of promotional tools for my fanfics, I am proof that "word of mouth" works. I simply write and post what I like; I am thrilled over every single reader and hit afterwards.

Being the person I am, I want to have some personal contact with people who read my stories. I want to let them know that I am grateful they took the time to read what I wrote. I want my readers to know that I'm happy they were able to connect to some part of it or learn something new from it. And this is where my annoyance is born. If I don't know the source of the new readers, how do I do that? How do I convey my genuine thanks?

I suppose I need to learn to simply express it to those I can. If word of my writing is spreading, surely my attitude of thankfulness is also.

xo Miz