Falling apart.

I didn't really think i could feel this way . It is kinda scared tbh . i've never been in such a bad place . I've been staying with my friend the past couple days , staying home's too hard , and she's too worried about me to let me go home . Which i guess is a good thing , me not going home and staying with her .. atleast when i'm around her i feel okay and happy , feeling's i haven't felt in so long . her mom knows everything that's going on , and i guess i like it , because now there's an adult who actually cares about me , and i'm glad she's still letting her daughter around me . i honestly need her , i don't think i'd be here if it weren't for her . I miss being happy , even just being okay would be fine , depressions winning . honestly my thoughts scare me so much . i opened up about everything last night , well over a period of days , but now everything's out in the open . my past , present , self-harming tendencies . it all seems easier just to end it , no more pain and sadness . no more being afraid to go home . no more feeling like i'm worthless and nothing . but then i think about them . my two best friends . they're everything to me , and i can tell me being like this is hurting them . i know they need me around , that's why i'm trying so hard to stay , but i honestly don't know if it's enough anymore .