I guess, in a way, I'm just looking for someone who's willing to understand...

... Or, at least, pretend that they understand what it is that I feel.

Scratch that.

I'd be fantastic if people didn't flat out make me feel like a walking freak show for my feelings. I dunno. I should probably elaborate.

_____________________

I have never felt physically attracted to people. EVER. It was something I used to try to hide when I was in highschool. I used to pretend to agree with my friends and freak out over the same band members and T.V. stars as them. But it was all always fake. In fact, I felt wrong for doing it.

I've never had any sexual drive of my own accord. I don't think about sex; I don't fantasize. I don't even wonder what things would be like.

I never did.

_____________________

That's the base of it, anyway.

Now, that's not to say there aren't odd variants. I HAVE had sexual encounters that I've enjoyed. In fact, my boyfriend and I DO experiment often, and I experimented with a female friend during highschool.

However, I've never been the one to initiate it. It's always been the other persons' idea.

That's not to say I didn't enjoy it, or that I get taken advantage of. It's just that I literally never think about it until someone else does.

And I'm entirely content not to think about it after. I didn't think about it for years, and I could keep it that way and be so very happy.

_____________________

Maybe it's all in my head.

But even if it is, it still doesn't make it fair that people make fun of me or taunt me or call me a prude or a liar, is it?

That's why I've always kept quiet about it.

But that doesn't mean it doesn't make me uncomfortable when people think I should just fall into their swing of wanting sex.

If they want it, awesome and I hope it's the best sex and it makes them feel great.

I literally don't want it, and I'm never trying to push it on anyone.

Maybe I come across that way?

I don't try to. I just want someone to understand, or at least accept, that I'm that way, now that I'm confident enough to be open about it, you know?