Chronicles of Mibba: the Return + Misadventures of Life: the Update

The Return

Mibba, it would appear that I have been quite inactive on you for quite some time now. I guess not really, though. I am on here every day. I read stories and blogs, and occasionally write chapters for my co-writes. But other than that, I do not do much. I don't message anyone any more. I do not write any personal blogs, nor do I update any stories. And that needs to change.

I don't want to be the classic writer cliché, but recently my life has been so crazy that I have found myself with a lack of words. But I'll get to that later, when I discuss my life. However, I feel my writer's voice slowly returning! I actually want to write these days, I just am having some issues balancing school and my personal life to actually do it; but the drive is there and that's important.

So, because of this new drive and upswing in my life, I think I will be making my marvelous return as an author to Mibba and to the world, seeing as I haven't written anything I liked for myself (excluding the work I have done for my co-writes because I do like those). But I'm excited. I can't guarantee which pieces will be updated and re-active but I have some ideas in my head!

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The Update

I feel like you are out of the loop concerning my life, Mibba. Hell, I'm out of my own loop! But in the last few months, so much has happened and I need to bring y'all up to speed.

First off, a few months ago I talked about meeting a nice guy named Ryan. He is 21 (four years older than me) and we hit it off quickly. I think this is the reason that I grew uneasy so quickly. DO NOT GET ME WRONG OMG HE WAS SO CUTE AND SWEET AND NICE OMG. I honestly feel like he loved me more than he loved anyone. I trusted him and stuff. But I was unhappy in our relationship. He moved too fast. For example, he said I love you before we even passed the first-month milestone.

I NEED A GUY WHO ISN'T GOING TO SAY THAT UNTIL AT LEAST MONTH THREE OR FOUR. I do not love and let others in as easy and he never respected that.

Anyway, moving too fast or not, he was really nice. I felt terrible for being unhappy in our relationship. He may have been clingy but at least he gave a fuck whether or not I died. But the clingyness became too much. Plus, he was OBNOXIOUS in public. Like, he reminded me of an ex that acted the same way; immature. He acted like a giggly high school girl. And though I am in high school myself, my maturity level is much greater. As was my intellect. I found myself groaning and correcting all of his errors when he texted me. I don't know, I think what made me maddest of all is that he spelled 'cool' as kewl. It bothered me so much.

I felt guilty for being unhappy until I found out that another guy had kissed him. That wouldn't have made me mad, but it was much more than that. The guy that had kissed him was none other than the guy who my ex cheated on me with. I knew they were hanging out and it bothered me, but even if I brought it up, they just snuck around and hung out behind my back so I just gave up. I should have realized it then, right? But it didn't happen just once. Oh no. If it were only once I would be fine. He said, "He always forced me to kiss him every time we were together but I never kissed back." I believe that he didn't kiss back but two things; I honestly doubt he was forced, and also, if he was, he just should have stopped hanging out with him.

So, I ended it. I didn't feel so bad about being unhappy any more.

Then about a week later, I met another boy. I didn't want anything too hardcore serious with him, but he was cute and nice. We hung out together at show choir events because one of my friends set us up. However, just when I thought he was nice and good, that friend informs me that he's doing the same thing with literally 8 other guys. They go to the same school and are best friends, so she is keyed in on this stuff. I mean, I can't be too mad. We weren't exclusive or anything, but I'm tired of not being someone's first choice, their one and only. I have only been in like one or two relationships where I haven't been cheated on.

I haven't stopped talking to this guy, but I expect much much less now.

AND WOW OMG i sound like a whore but this IS ALL COINCIDENCE I PROMISE!!! A friend of mine randomly came up to me this weak and was like "I heard you and Ryan ended things." And this had been like two or three weeks now. And then she told me she knows this cute guy who's had an eye on me for a long time but was afraid to say something. But he saw that I was single and thought this was as good as time as any to at least talk. So he and I are going to meet this weekend I think. Not even like a date. Just chill and talk during our show choir thing.

NOW FOR THE NON-LOVE LIFE THINGS

Um, I feel like I'm in a decent place. I've always been depressed and suicidal and stuff but right now, all of that is dull. It's still there but it feels easier to look away? I don't know how to phrase it.

OH AND I LEFT THE MIBBA MAGAZINE STAFF. I just got too busy to handle the responsibilities any more. Oh well, I had fun and I had a good run!

OH OH OH OH OH!

TWO WEEKS FROM THIS SATURDAY IS MY FIRST EVER SOLO PERFORMANCE. We do this thing called 'Swing Show' where our show choir hosts an event where parents come and eat a dinner while individual or groups perform things they've picked out, and then we perform as a show choir at the end of the night. AND I'M ONE OF THE SOLO ACTS.

I'll be singing Let It Go from Frozen, because that movie is my life right now. I hate to sound cocky and mean but I've been practicing it and I keep getting told I sound beautiful and magnificent and aggggghhhh i'm so excited!