Dear Diary, Happy Birthday

Not, I don't know why I expected anything different I never ship have happy birthdays ever since I was 10 to be frank HEY THAT REMINDS ME my favorite baby cousin(who it's a-freaking-dorable by the way)had the same birthday of my favorite band member ever Frank Iero, but that's not the point of this diary entry(I'm changing all the names of these blogs though there be only three it still won't stop me...yes,yes I did need to rhyme) The point is that I haven't had a "Happy Birthday" in 8 years HOW SWELL IS THAT oh yeah I forgot I'm 18 though I'm sure if you did the math you already knew that and if you're anywhere near as inpatient me you did the math. I'm getting bad again though today instead of seeing my flaws I'm honestly contemplating many reasons for living I've had my head stuck on a bottle of sleeping pills for three past 2 hours but oh how it feels like a simple 2 minutes I hate these days and honestly I thought that for the past almost 2 years now maybe I just should but sometimes the question is what what exactly *is* the question well that's simple enough it's the answers that are complicated you see the questions are as follows "Maybe I should just run away and change my name" or the more Stereotypical side me "Maybe I should just die" yeah I know dark sad lonely teenage girl what a fucking surprise I've always had questions close to this floating around in my head to be perfectly honest I was wondering about suicide since was 8 (not like I wanted to do it more a sense of innocent curiosity) all in all I've always been a fucked human being been staying home alone since I was 5 and watching the grudge since I was almost 5 1/2 I've been quiet since I was 10 and neither of parents seem to understand that they changed more then I did after my sister was born a little over 8 years ago to be honest something did happen when I was 9 but that's got nothing to do with her she's one of my saving graces without her I don't know as a matter of fact I'm positive that I wouldn't be here so believe me when I say I love her hell I fucking need her she doesn't know half of what she helps me through and knowing me I'll never tell her I'll just be a uhhhmmmmmmmm secret admirer does that fit? Oh well. At least I didn't swallow any pills our something so there's to a Happy Birthday to me especially since I definitely used all my birthday wish magic in order to not lose the house