Yeah....so I haven't been all that active on here lately for several reasons. I'm not mad at anyone or anything I've just been real busy in my personal life. As I posted awhile back, they diagnosed my grandma with cancer. Well last Wednesday they gave her just 9 months to live. That was very shocking and heart breaking for me to hear. I mean she is doing okay emotionally about it. She has a lot of faith in God so in a way, I think that is what is comforting her. She has a two inch tumor inside her hip bone. She also has smaller ones on her kidney, pelvic bone and tip of her spinal cord.
They have her on pain pills round the clock so she's not in a ton of pain currently. She went through about two weeks of radiation also and that seemed to have improved her condition. The doctors are starting a chemo pill this week. They say it will prolong the spread of her cancer. Everything has been really stressful for all of us. For the past three weeks, every day, I've been driving across town to the nursing home to see her faithfully. I brought her food from places because nursing home food was terrible she said. Her appetite is almost gone from all the treatments to start with so I kept her spoiled with good food.
She was released from the nursing home on Tuesday so she is here at home with us now. I'm so thankful that she gets to be home on Christmas. That's where she wanted to be. I'm going to be spending as much time with her as I can over the next year. She may not die for several years because other people have had cancer like that and lived longer than expected but I'm not wasting a single minute with her just in case. I've talked with her and told her about getting a tattoo of her on my shoulder before she dies so that she can see it. Also, she is fine with me having some of her ashes put into a necklace that I can keep for always.
So on top of my grandma having this awful thing happen to her, there is this big financial issue that faces us all. My grandma's monthly money, along with my grandpa's, has been what pays the house payment every month. My grandpa is now in a nursing home himself, so if grandma dies, there will be no money a month. Me, my husband and my mom will have to come up with like $900 extra month to keep this house. It's going to be very rough considering my mom has no job right now because she has to care for my grandma around the clock. Honestly, I really just want me and my husband to find our own place when my grandma dies but now I have to worry about my mom. She and my dad are getting a divorce soon probably and she has no money or place else to live.
Sigh. It's just all so fucking stressful. Me and my mom are not people who see eye to eye on a lot of things. She is very prejudice against gays or drug addicts. I mean I get that drug addicts can be dangerous but she takes it to the extreme. Like....when I had my teeth pulled before and the dentist prescribed pain meds, she would go into hour long lectures about how I was gonna be a drug addict. X_X The gay thing really gets under my skin. I am personally not gay because I like men too much. However, women are hot and all of that so I wouldn't rule it out. BUT I support people who are gay, transgender and all of that. I feel like that is their choice to make without being ridiculed. Well my mom thinks gays are the devil. It's so bad that she has my twelve year old sister going around referring to gay people as "queer." SMH.
I correct my sister constantly and tell her not to say that because it offensive. People don't have to go along with people who are gay but I'll be damned if I let them discriminate against them. It's just petty honestly. My mom is a very negative person. Constantly she talks about doom and gloom like about all the bad shit or outcomes of things that could happen. It's very draining on me emotionally. You can't tell her anything either because then she gets fucking offended. Honestly, I've only been living in this house still because of my grandma. For the past year, my mom has been down in Florida living. I've been the one here taking care of my grandma. I'd buy her groceries and run errands for her. Me and my husband would maintain this place and keep things sorted out.
Sometimes my mom acts like I've done nothing or that I DO nothing around here. I love her but sometimes I want to slap her and I'm not a violent person. She is just so.......annoying and childish and I'm not sure how long I will be able to put up with her. I want my own life where I don't have to take care of people for once. Me and my husband have not gotten to live on our own yet because I love my grandma too much to leave her, especially now since she is slowly dying. After she dies I may consider something different. I'm not going to be talked down to like I'm some lazy dog by my mother. She's in for a very rude awakening if she doesn't change.
Enough about that, though. We're having a big Christmas dinner here in a bit. Honey ham, hash brown casserole, green beans, deviled eggs and stuffing. It smells so good in there lol. At least I get to spend Christmas with my grandma. All this lately has had me so mental that I haven't been able to have the mind to write or work on my stories. I had the flu the past few days as well so it's just been Hell for me honestly. Also, I just needed a break from Mibba. Was honestly tired of some things here. I'm just going to ignore those things from now on because there is more to life than senseless internet bullshit.
I hope that everyone has a great Holiday and try not to eat too much LOL.
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