Untitled.

(This is untitled because I don't even know what it's about or who I'm writing it for.)

I am no good at talking about the things that are really important to me. I can bullshit my way through any conversation, but I can't talk about what's important to me. If I have a friend in crisis, I can talk them down and help them through it but I can't ask for the same help because I don't take my own emotions seriously.

And I don't know how to stop doing that. I don't know how to share myself with others because I'm so scared that I am actually as worthless as I feel and that what I think about and what I care about doesn't matter. I care so much about other people because I feel so very intensely what other people feel that I never stop to care about myself because it feels like I don't matter. I don't have the time to care about myself when I'm busy caring about everyone else.

My chest just gets so tight and it feels like my bones are made of metal because I can't move and everything is trapped inside of me and I want to let it out but I can't. I can't because I am so fucking scared of looking at myself that I'd rather live my life for everyone but me.

I mean, that's what it comes down to. I'm scared. I'm scared and I won't admit it to anyone and I know that it's stupid but it's how I feel and I hate it. I hate being the person that I am but I don't know how to change it. I don't think I can change it. I don't know what I'd do even if I could.

I'm sorry. Like I said, I don't know why I wrote this or really even what it's about or who it's for but I wrote it and I needed to do something with it.

Until next time,
xoxo
Laura