Dreams.

A list of things I use to love, but now I don't do anymore:
1.Reading
2.Writing
3. Painting
4. Talking to people.
5. Seeing movies in the theater.
6. Dressing up really nicely.
7. Dreaming

I've recently gotten 1 and 7 back again. I had no idea reading again would jumpstart my brain into dreaming again. Memorable dreams. The ones that you can't wait to write down and analyze. Some of them good, some of them horrible. It almost makes me afraid of my inner thoughts. I would like to continue picking things on the list back up. It's just so hard. Everything I draw is trash. I can't right more than a sentence without telling myself it's shit. The theater would be an easy fix, although I have no one to go with. Talking is so difficult. Everything I say is ridiculous. And how could I dress up nicely when I feel so awful on the inside? I deserve to feel as ugly on the outside, as I do on the inside. I don't deserve to feel happy, and I don't deserve to find joy in the things I love.