9/9/15 4:14pm

It's been a while since I've written anything. I don't know why. I think my manic episode took the best out of me. Now I feel like I'm struggling just to survive. I can never put into words exactly how I'm feeling. Not even now, while I'm writing this entry. Maybe I'm stressed. Too stressed. Maybe I'm giving myself too much space to fall and what I rely need is a safety net. Maybe I'm lost in my own head; my own emotions. I just can't shake the feeling that my life is in a spiral right now, going deeper into sadness as I continue to grow and have higher responsibilities. Why am I like this? Why is it me? Why is it impossible for me to be happy for more than 3 months at a time without fearing an unbearable fall into emptiness? Why is my emptiness not hidden. Why can I not be ignorant to myself and my patterned emotions. Ignorant is bliss.