I'm Back! I Think.

I'm probably one of the most indecisive people you are ever going to have the displeasure of knowing.
But all with good reason, I think.

I know my last blog said I was leaving after I'd finished a few things up here, and I was fully planning to. I was in a bad place, I'd lost interest and inspiration for everything I was doing and I just couldn't be on here anymore. I spent time hovering around reading things and updating my co-writes whenever I was graced with an update on them to follow on from, but then things just slowed down and shit happened and things got complicated and basically life just got in the way.

I also spent a lot of time writing Avengers and Supernatural fanfictions on Archive Of Our Own, because that's the writing that was keeping me somewhat level-headed when my interest in band fanfictions kind of disappeared on me.

I'm still aiming to get all my co-writes that are still co-writes finished. That is going to be one of my main priorities on here now. Kimmi and Chrissy are still writing when they have time in their offline lives to sit down and do so. I know Chrissy is working on updates between her Uni work as I write this, and Kimmi I think is currently getting through her solo works between working and such. Any co-writes that became my solos are going to be buried in a box and forgotten about unless old co-writers want to bring them back to finally finish them.

I figured out that the only reason I lost inspiration for writing band fictions, is because I was trying to hard to come up with ideas to finish old stories that I already knew in the back of my mind would never truly come to life again. I've moved on from a lot of what I was interested in when those old stories were first written, and my interests are changing a lot. So my old stories, finished or otherwise, have been shut away in a box and buried for good. I'm so, so sorry to those I promised would see updates for stuff I've been promising updates for since Christmas, but I cannot force myself into doing something I don't enjoy anymore. That's what puts me in dark places and I don't want to fall back into that routine, not now I've moved on.

The memory drive that had all my old fics on also got broken a couple of months back, too, so even if I wanted to revive all that stuff, I couldn't. So there's that. Oops.

I have new inspiration starting to come back to me now. I was re-reading Kimmi's story Shadows Screaming about a week ago, and I just got the idea to re-write it in the POV of the character Blaze. I spoke to Kimmi about it and asked her multiple times, and she gave me her blessing to do so and it's currently being posted and will be posted regularly until I've caught up with her updates and you can find it right here. By writing this, I have a clear path that I'm following, and it's helping ease me back into writing band fictions.

I like to think my writing has improved a lot over the months I've been hiding away on AO3, and it's definitely improved from when I first got onto this site. I just finished re-reading a really old story I'd written when I first got on here. It was atrociously done. Wow. ~facepalm~ I like the idea I had though, so I may re-do it some day, but way better.

So to summarise this one; I'm back, I think. I'm slowly getting back into band fictions and my interests have changed quite a bit now so my new writing will be pretty different. I'm also continuing with co-writes, but burying all my old solo stories (apologies again to those I'm disappointing with this decision.)

In other news (about me personally, feel free to skip if you don't really care much for me personally and just wanted to know why I suddenly came back with a new story):

I'm in a better place now. I still have my bad days, and that's okay. I've accepted that I have bad days now. We all have bad days sometimes, and that's nothing to be ashamed of.

I don't know if I ever mentioned it before, but I started cosplaying at the end of last year just after my 18th birthday. It's an expensive hobby, but I don't regret it. I currently only cosplay Lady Loki, because she's a badass, I love Loki and I was able to make her costume myself pretty cheaply on my limited budget, but I do aim to cosplay other characters, some of which include Bucky Barnes (Captain America), Dean Winchester (Supernatural) and the Archangel Michael (Dominion). I've been to two cons before, both in Cardiff, and I'm going to my third in October for my 19th birthday. :D<3

I also still have my girlfriend. We've known each other almost a year now (Sept. 27th) and we've been together almost 11 months (Oct. 20th). She is my better half and I really am in love with her. My family whole-heartedly approve of her, and she was living with me for a few months too due to issues with home life. All is well now though. She moved to Exeter on Sunday (Sept. 13th) because she's going to Uni there to do Drama. I miss her like crazy and I've cried a lot in the last few days, but she's gonna be awesome and I'm proud of her. Hopefully she'll be able to get up here for my birthday so we can go to Comic Con together again, but I don't have high hopes for it, so I'll have to settle for seeing her at Christmas when she comes back for the holidays.

I've been getting hugely into TV shows and Marvel movies too, in case you couldn't already tell. Like, holy shit, there is so much good stuff and I didn't know about it all before and ugh. So much goodness. SuperWhoLock is the biggest thing for me, right up there with Marvel. I've been a fan of Doctor Who for years, but then I met my girlfriend and she always talked to my sister about Supernatural, so I got curious and ended up binge watching 9 and a half seasons of it in the 2 week run up to the second half of Season 10 airing. I was dead that week. Wow. I also recently got into Sherlock. I didn't like it originally because it was too much to get my head around, but then it grew on me and now I really like it. Wow.

My love for Marvel will never die. The Avengers are the bomb. I saw Ant-Man recently and I cried like 3 times, wow. Deadpool is also out next year and I NEED THAT REALLY BADLY OKAY. I need Deadpool exactly as much as I need Civil War and Ragnorok. (the Thor and Captain America movies, you fools, wow I don't want the world to end).

This is definitely well over 100 words now, and it's getting harder to write because there's a puppy on my lap trying to make me pay attention to him because I've been ignoring him for too long like wow I'm sorry puppy I love you <3

So yeah. I hope that kind of explains things a bit better.
I'm in a good place now, and hopefully I'll stay there for a while.
All I need is for the world to stop being a fucking wanker so I can get a second job to bloody support myself so I have money to do things, and I'll be swell.

Stay awesome, dudes! \m/

- AJB xo

Song of the day - Just A Memory - Escape The Fate.