A Friendly Reminder That I Exist

Hello!

So this blog is just kind of a reminder that I, you know, exist. To you and to me. Things have been very weird lately. Like, very very weird. I blame the music video for Emperor's New Clothes, because like...? That's got to be the reason everything is so weird.

I just checked and the last blog that I posted was the day that I moved in at school. My first semester is close to its end, and not to be cliche, but my entire life has turned upside down.

So, I'm out? Like I am out as a non-binary asexual and it's super cool? I have a lot of friends from my school's Equality Alliance (GSA) and from hanging out in the LGBTQA Resource Center (It's my gay home). I'm still not out to most people at home, including my family, but it feels very different to live my life not hiding my identity. People here respect my pronouns and everything, like, it's incredible.

My classes are going fairly well. I'm not getting kicked out of honors or my major or anything, so they can't be that bad. All that aside, I am planning on switching my major at this point. As much as I think I really was interested in being a high school English teacher, it's fallen through for me. And the last thing I want to do is waste these four years doing something I don't enjoy and end up in a career that I don't enjoy, ruining not only my life but also the education of the children I would be responsible for. As of next semester, I will officially be majoring in computer science! I'm very excited about it.

Some of the work that I've been doing while I've been here on campus includes doing web design/updates for the page for the honors program on campus. It's responsibility, and unpaid responsibility at that, but I really do enjoy it, and I could see myself doing it in the future, so it feels like the right move.

I posted some pictures so that y'all could see that I chopped all of my hair off. That happened like my second week here? I felt like I needed the change. I've been in a constant state of restlessness (trust me, the irony is not lost) since I've been here, but I think it might be good.

I suppose, overall, things are going really well for me. But it hasn't been all sunshine and acceptance and trying to become a better person either.

My family had to put my dog down, which really sucked because I never got to really say goodbye to her, and I hadn't seen her in months when it happened. I'm going home for Thanksgiving next week, and it'll be the first time that I'm home from school, and she won't be there and I can't stop thinking about how weird that's going to be.

Kind of more discouraging than that, though, was that my depression decided to make a pretty huge comeback. My anxiety had already been pretty bad, and then I moved away from home and everything just decided to blow up. I spent close to a week in the psych ward of the local hospital after a suicide attempt, and my medications and therapy have been changed around a lot lately. It's very strange because it had been a while since I had struggled so intensely, but I'm managing. I think I'm managing, anyway.

So that's what you missed on the past few months of my life. Anyway, enough of my ranting about my life. How is everything going for you guys? School, work, friends, relationships, writing? Talk to me!

Off to try to actually write something for the first time in a while. Wish me luck - I'm going to need it.

All my love!
Laura Grace