1) Even though you didn't understand it, someone had to be the first to leave. When you're younger, you can't seem to understand why Mommy or Daddy has a bag and they're leaving without you. They promise they'll be back soon, but it feels like forever when you do see them again. You didn't know it then, but they left because they had to. There was nothing left for them there. And they spent that time figuring out where to go so it would be better for you.
2) You're going to grieve and it's normal.There's stages of grief and even though you didn't technically lose someone, you lost the two of them as a whole. Confusion is the first part of it, and you keep asking why they decided to be apart. Sometimes they don't have an answer and sometimes the answer is something you won't understand until you're older or wiser. Then you're mad at them and you can't express that enough to them. You're blaming them each for something that was inevitable, but you have a right to be angry. And once you're over being mad, you try to reason with them and beg them to try again. They won't, but you figure you have to try. Denying it is the next thing you start to do, and it's almost worse than being mad at them. Maybe if you just pretend everything's going to be okay, it will be. When you finally accept it, it hits you like a ton of bricks. And sometimes, it still does.
3) Trying to play Parent Trap won't actually work.I know you got the idea from a movie and I know you think your parents are exactly like that, but most of the time, they aren't. At first, they think it's funny. They decide to humor you for a little bit, but after it starts to get awkward, they tell you that it's not going to happen. Imagine your surprise when they finally get a girlfriend or boyfriend.
4) Counseling is a nightmare.Here's where the new boyfriend or girlfriend becomes an issue. You start getting overprotective over them and jealous when someone new comes into the picture. You're not behaving like you would, and they think counseling is the best option for you at this point. Except...not really. It only makes things worse for a while because you still can't understand why there has to be someone new or why your parents are replacing each other. Eventually, you're told they're not trying to replace the other-- but you still don't believe them.
5) Anything school related, recitals, or sports events are going to be awkward. Forget supporting your brother or sister with both of your parents sitting near each other. And if you're the one playing, you should probably look for your each one of your parents before you start. They manage to sit as far away from each other as possible and if they could have it their way, they'd be in a different section altogether. And then there's the times when one just doesn't show up because the other is going to be there or when they do show up, one uses it to show off how much of a good parent they are to their new girlfriend.
6) Family reunions are extremely awkward. For the first few years, your family tries to be polite and ask about the parent that isn't there. As soon as you're old enough to be 'over everything,' they've suddenly stopped caring and don't bother to hide their disdain for your mother/father. And then the only time they're brought up again is when they're sick or in trouble, mostly because your family likes to pretend they care.
7) Holidays aren't the same anymore. Holidays are something that you come to hate. They're not magical anymore and they almost drain you completely. You're almost forced to pick sides, but after the one holiday you didn't spend with that parent, you realize that you have to go to every gathering in a day. You'd rather be pressed for time than disappoint either one of them.
8) It's not your fault. It wasn't anything that you did. You being born or you having a hissy fit when you were five did not cause this. This was something that was bound to happen. Your parents weren't made for each other. That's it. There's nothing else to it than that. You aren't the reason for this.
9) Just because they were unhappy, doesn't mean that you have to be. They got a divorce. They decided they didn't love each other anymore or that they really never did. It doesn't mean that every relationship is going to be like this. You will find love. You'll find someone to make you feel like the only person in the world. You don't have to make the same mistakes. History doesn't always repeat itself.
10) You love them the same and you're happy they aren't together. You honestly didn't think this day would come, but you're finally happy that they aren't together. After years of realizing that they were toxic for each other, you know they're much better off as far away as possible from each other. Seeing them happy makes you happy and you're okay with how things have turned out.
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