I Can't Eat When I'm Like This

I'm so freaked out man. I started messaging the 30 year old I blocked as a joke and now I actually really like him. Like I gave him a chance and our personalities are so weirdly compatible....... what the fuck

It's so weird and I told my best friend and my mom for months how creepy I thought he was and now I'm gonna have to admit I like him...I guess. Lol. Ugh.

I don't know I guess I have just been so afraid to let myself trust anyone enough to like them and so long and it feels so scary but I'm really happy too.....I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or what but if I'm making a mistake, I guess I just have to let myself because it's better than not trying at all. Far better

But whenever I like somebody, I can't eat. The last time I had to see this guy I had a HUGE crush on, I didn't even for almost two days. I just can't. My stomach is too full of emotion.

Bleh I don't know I have all these weird ideas going through my head all the time and they're so strange that there's really no point in talking about them. At least right now.

I'm supposed to be wrapping presents but I'm tired so I'll do this survey.

Does the last person you held hands with go to your school?
- I'm not in school but he went to elementary school with me.

Did you ever want to be a doctor?
- yeah, when I was 10-11 I really wanted to be an ER doctor.

Are any of your friends taller than you?
- only my man friends

Where did you get the underwear you are currently wearing?
- I don't even know...I just found them in a basket in my room this morning.....that's probably bad

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?
- No as long as they're not an alky

Have you ever gotten a text from someone and you have no idea how they got your number?
- Um probably

The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?
- Well we were friends since I was 7, he probably saw me cry a lot when I was little because he was my neighbor and always comforted me when my family fought.

Could you go a whole year without cursing?
- I can't go a whole minute without it. Fuck

When was the last time something bothered you?
- Hmmmm...today!

When was the last time you got in an argument with someone?
- probably Saturday

The last person you kiss calls you, what do they want?
- sex

Do you want to see somebody right now?
- Yes

Are you thinking about anyone?
- Yes

Is there something you need?
- A boyfriend

Do you know anyone who’s been in jail?
- Yeah several family members

Have you ever slow danced with someone?
- Yeah but not in a romantic sense

Would you ever get your lip pierced?
- no that sounds like infection and death

Do you think dimples are cute?
- Of course

Do you want to move?
-Yeah

Who do you see yourself with in five years?
- a beautiful and perfect man who loves me

Who are you talking to right now?
- The guy I mentioned earlier....

What song are you currently listening to?
- The sound of an air purifier and my grandpas tv

Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?
- Yeah my best friend, and my mom knows a lot too

What do you wish you were doing right now?
- fucking

What was the last thing you and your mom talked about?
- Jews

What are you currently looking forward to?
- Peeing. And my German ii class

You receive $50 without any reason, what do you spend it on?
- Books

What is wrong with you right now?
- I'm high, exhausted, have to pee and sexually frustrated.

Do you like rain?
- depends on my mood

What’s the last sporting event you watched?
- fuck who knows