Adulting Today

I finally did what I needed to do. For the past few weeks I've just been pretending everything is fine while my entire house is on fire (not literally). I know it has a lot to do with my anxiety; the longer I pretend nothing is there, the less I'll have to deal with it. Which we all know, is not the case. I've been blaming a lot of this on my boyfriend as well. He works so many hours and then just hands me over the check after I'm already dying a little inside because I know the bills are going to be paid late. Then I feel bad for saying anything because he is working 60+ hours to support us and I drag my feet a lot. But then I'm like "I'm making money too, damn it! I work 30 hours. I'm going to college. I'm taking care of the house and the bills." But by then I'm already pretending there's not a pile of laundry that needs to be folded. And that the bill collector isn't calling me again.

I know, there's more to this that I'm letting on. This is a relationship problem that's going unaddressed, it's just whenever I address it he belittles it and makes it sound like there's not a problem at all. Then I go back to pretending everything is alright.

I'm still telling myself I'm too young for this adulting business. If I move back home, that's admitting defeat to my parents. Plus I'll have to deal with them again which is still worse than dealing with my boyfriend. My mom always expects the worse from me and Dad never has a good thing to say and I still have issues with wanting their acceptance at my age.