Butterflies

I forgot what they feel like. I haven't had them for a good 5 years. Maybe that should have told me my relationship at the time wasn't going to work out before I figured it out for myself.

I haven't really felt like this before. Not exactly like this. I've had crushes before, of course. But not like this.

Back then I wasn't sure what I wanted. I was sort of just going with the current, taking everything in and discovering little things about myself here and there.

It's different now because I know what I want. I know the kind of person I need in this place in my life and my heart. I know what they're like, how they are, and how I should feel. How I deserve to feel.

It has sort of caught me off guard that it feels like I've found them. I never thought I would. I thought I might one day have to compromise what I want for what is available. But no.

There's this guy I've met and I feel like he's perfect for me. I woke up this morning thinking that yesterday was a dream. It's the little things. Like how when he holds my hand, he doesn't just hold it and that's that. There's gentle squeezes and he runs his thumb against my hand. And he kisses exactly how I like to be kissed. When he holds me, he properly holds me. Tight and secure. And I love it.