I Am So Tired of Being Mad

I'm also glad I got over my whole hating pink phase.

Anyway, I'm back at work which is both good and bad. Good because it means I have money again. Bad because it's not the best environment for me. My GM and the cash are really the only things keeping me there. I have a lot of loyalty to him and I've got bills to pay.

On the bright side, I made them cut my hours, so that'll help with my mood. No more twelve hours shifts and even if my foot is feeling better, I can fall back on it when they ask me to work longer. Like, that's not the deal we made, yada yada yada. But it's been okay and everyone seems really happy to have me back.

Only down side is that the closest bar is the one where the ex works at. So I went for last call on Saturday with a couple of the other servers and I saw him walking around. Let me be clear, I would have preferred for him to not talk to me. I really would have. But he just had to walk over and ask how I was doing and tell me about the car he got to make me see how much better he's doing or whatever. Then I left my spot and went to find another friend and I'll admit, I walked right in front of him and stood with Pedro (the other server), so I kind of followed the ex this time, only I didn't mean to. Like I wasn't intending on talking to him. I just wanted to talk with my friend. So of course, Coty calls me back over to talk and it's awkward, and his friend tells us to hug and I don't want to, but he obviously does, so he hugs me and picks me up and then I immediately walk back over to my friend and he hugs me cause he can tell I'm uncomfortable and it's just an awkward situation all around. I just wanted a drink, man.

When I get home, Coty texts me (despite the fact that he's told me numerous times that he's blocked my number) and he's such a baby about it. "Don't come by again. Go to Brewskies and drink alone. I miss you. I'm a fuck up. I'll never let myself be happy." It's another pity party to make me feel guilty, but I'm mad, dude. I'm so mad. 'Cause I'm not gonna deny myself friendship just because he screwed up and feels bad about it. Like, it's unfortunate that he works there, but he's the one who sought me out. He's the one who came over to talk. It's not like I've been sitting in his section, making him bring me food and drinks. I go to the bar top every time.

So, he said that shit and it sent me into a rage 'cause I was just astounded. Like, absolutely not. My life does not revolve around him anymore. If I want to have a good time, then I'm going to.

Ugh. I'm still pisses.

He texts me at four this morning (I was still awake lol) and apologized and told me I caught him off guard and I had told him that I was never gonna come by again since I put my two weeks in or something. Whatever. I wasn't planning on going over there actually, but it's where my co-workers go. Pretty much my favorite people at the restaurant, so yeah. I want to chill with them. Anyway, I waited to text him back and when I did he came back at me with like, "You'll regret this. You only saw me when I wasn't making a lot of money. You've never seen me thrive." Whatever. I don't want to. I don't regret leaving him. Like even a little bit. He betrayed me. He fucked up. He can feel bad about it all he wants. It's not gonna change how I feel.

I'M JUST STILL SO MAD AT HIM AND I'M TIRED OF IT. And every time he tries to talk to me, he just makes it that much worse.

But like, I've moved on. I've been talking to other guys. I even have a little thing for Pedro. I'm not attracted to Coty anymore. No romantic feelings. Him touching me made my skin crawl. I could literally go the rest of my life without talking to him and I would be absolutely fine.

Ugh.

Okay, so next topic. Working again means I can't write like crazy like I've been doing these past few weeks, but I'm still gonna try on my days off 'cause I was really enjoying my magical stories lol. I'm still really excited for them.

I've been binge watching Grey's Anatomy. Again. I've watched the first, like, eight seasons over and over again. So good.

Anyway. I think I got most of my frustration out. Boys are dumb. I'd actually kind of like to be with a girl next, but I just... I like guys too much for my own good. Plus, I know how crazy I can be in relationships. I don't know if two women would be the best idea with how my brain works.

Hope everyone is doing well!