Trash.

I write down odd memories I have when I'm on break at work. I purposely break minor traffic laws. I find myself spacing out for unknown amounts of time, not even daydreaming or thinking of anything in particular. No matter how much I eat, I'm still hungry and no matter how much I starve I still don't want to eat.

When I looked into the mirror I wanted to be something more than who I saw. I wasn't good enough for me. But now when I look I want to be less; someone who does not want to be more. But yet I already am less because I see nothing in this mirror. I am nothing, not even a shadow. An invisible man, leaving never a trace.

I find strange coincidences happening to myself and others around me all the time. I feel nothing for the people closest. I have sadistic thoughts about them. Yet I feel so sorry for them that all I would die for them to be happy. I would die for anything.

I was once so self absorbed but now that I am not, I have no point of view. Before, I saw everything through the self analyzing filter and now I don't know how to see things. Nothing sticks. Nothing matters to me and I don't care for anything because it doesn't translate to anything of meaning for me.

I fear my impulses and do not trust my personality.