I hate this...

Before I was banned from journals...for the second time...
I posted a journal about my best friend who had cancer and thought it was 'in control' but it had came back so he was in the hospitial again but this time with absolutly no ammunites at all.

Now today, I learned from my other friend that after he had his bone marrow transplant (that his dear 9-year-old sister had done for him) his kidney's shut down because a virus(or something) had gotten in his body and destroyed them. And now he is in a 'medical coma'

-He is also engaged to another one of my friends...-
I talked to her today and her words were when I asked how bad he was were as follows : "Ok, picture a cancer paitent....now imagine the oppisoite of that and throw in a really gorry horror movie....and thats him" (I'm pretty sure those were her words)

She told me and Erica (my friend who told me about his kidney's) that he wasn't even pale..he was this orange-ish color...

She said it took alot for her to see him....and it takes alot to even want to see him in that condition.

Me and Erica plan to have her father drive us to the hospital where he is at so we can at least see him....

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ITS UNFAIR!!

Hes 17 years old!!! No one that young....and YOUNGER should ever die from cancer or anything......

*And I know this is horrible of me but while I was in my last hour class I looked around and thought of people who deserved this fate more than my friend did*

I felt horrible....and I take that thought back....but he is just..j ust........my best friend....

I feel bad....I only pray for him when things are going bad....I should be constantly praying for him.....which I'm going to start....a little late I know.

I bursted into tears when I got home....my niece (whos 8months) just looked at me with her wide-blue eyes....

I don't want ANYTHING to happen to him....I mean for gods sake....
This boy is so damn sweet and funny that instead of feeling sorry for himself he has made
cancer jokes....(We call him cancer kid, kemo kid....infectious cancer bastard)

He loved it though...well maybe not loved it...but the last thing he wanted was for any of us to feel sorry for him or to have pity on him.

And now..his kidney's have failed him...and no one knows whats going to happen....