The gift of life....

Today I went and saw my little cousin Blake for the first time.
He was born yesterday, and untill today I didn't realize something:
Life is beautiful.
Its amazing to think that something so precious came FROM YOU.
Really, dont think its gross, because its not.
This adorable, vunerable child is taking a chance at life and really just giving you its heart, trusting you to keep it alive because its completely helpless.

And I sat there, huggling this little angel in my arms, terrified of dropping him when It really hit me.

I thought nothing was worth it and that I was alone;;
but I'm not. I'm not saying i'm the happiest girl in the world,
but I AM saying
that today i smiled.
It was the first REAL smile i've smiled in a long time.
right there in the cold hospital room.

And maybe i'll admit i felt a little odd, talking to this baby who didn't cry, who didn't move much except to make baby noises and to shift in his sleep, talking to the baby that didn't open his eyes once.
But I know somehow that he understood every word;;
and you CAN'T laugh at me for that.
You know that deep down you're amazed too;;
that you sit in wonder at the thought of a person coming from another person;;
A FULLY FORMED person
with a mind
and a respertory system
a person.

And now I find myself stuck here on this desktop computer
when i still just want to get away.
I had it all planed out, you know?
i'm going to move far away and no one will here from me again.

I never wanted to start a family;;
But today that changed.
That's the only thing
I could think about.

Life is so beautiful.

Thanks for listening.

Always;
Renee Anne