It's Just A Mask

There is so much about me that I realize my friends don't know. And it's a bit depressing to think that even my BEST freinds know nothing about certain things. I'm not really all that sure who I can tell things to anymore. At my school, you say something to someone, and basically the whole student body knows all about it sooner or later. =/ I love my friends, don't get me wrong, but I feel like there are some things they realllllly don't need to know.

I've experinced a lot of stuff that I tell no one about, because I'm afraid it will get spread around. I've had an awful lot of friendships and some of them have turned out to be quite dissapointing. There are times when I wonder if I can let someone see my squishy insides. I don't know if I should let someone know what I'm thinking.

I feel like there are things that I can't say out loud. Not even to my mom, because I feel so ignorant after it leaves my mouth. Like the other day, I made some comment and then felt really stupid because someone else looked at me weird and then just rolled their eyes.

I'm just so sick of my stupid school and all of the dumb drama. There is so much gossip and rumors that go around, you're not sure anymore what is true and what is false. And everyone is so afraid to go to the actual SOURCE to find out if it's true or not. I'm tired of all of the cliques and the people who act like they're better than everyone else, when in truth, we're all equal. Yeah, some of us may have money to go to Hollister, Abercrombie and Fitch, Aeropostle, Pac Sun, American Eagle and allll of those other places, but it's what's on the inside that counts, not how fat your wallet is.

And then there are all these little whores that run around school, thinking they're so cool because they screw anything that walks. 'Kay, that's just EW. Who honestly wants to do that? You don't know if someone has an STD. You don't know everything about everyone. And this is not meant to offend anyone on here. No, I won't hate you if you're having sex. That's your own business. No, I'm talking about the dumb bimbos at my school.

It's just stupid high school drama and stuff, but I can't deal anymore. I have one friend tugging me in one direction, telling me things about another friend. And then, on the other side, I have another friend doing the exact same thing! I'm so confused! I don't know what friends I can talk to anymore, because I'm afraid of upsetting one or the other. I'm constantly in the middle of all these areguments and I'm pulled in so many different directions that I don't know what to do anymore!

The only time that I can find peace and the only time I seem to be able to confide to anyone is on the Internet. I can tell things to the friends who don't know me in real life, because they can't really spread anything around. They couldn't hurt me face to face like the people I go to school with can. And I know that my friends on the web won't judge me as harshly as real life people.

-Sigh- I know this is long and whatever, but I have one more thing to say. I was at lunch today with two of my friends. We'll call them Sara and Molly because I'm not saying names. This chick...we'll call her Jenny....turns around. She says hi to Sara and hi to Molly, but when she turns to me she's all "hey...oh....I don't like you". I got so PISSED OFF. And I dunno if she heard me or not, but I said "that's okay. I don't like you either. You're just a whore". And I reallllllllllllly wish she would've heard me. =/

So thanks for reading this major pain of a post. I needed to complain. =]