2 Year Anniversary of Your Death

May 17.
Any oridinary day.
Really, it is

May 17, 2006.
Thursday.
OK day at school.
Sitting on MySpace or NeoPets.
A phonecall.

That phonecall.
Papa called.
He didn't delay the news too long, that would be unfar.
"Ickybaba really was doing badly, she was in pain."

My cat ws doing badly. She wa hurting.

"Sue took her to he vet," he said.

What does that mean that my stepmom took her to the vet?
Is she better? Sue loved Ludimilla. She was Baba's real owner.

"Is she better?" I asked my dad.

"They had to put her down."

I remember where I was standing, that moment of being hit by veracity
It still didn't feel like she was gone that moment, but I believed Papa.
That was the first time in my life I thought I was going to pass out.

Ever since then I've almost passed out a lot.
Ever since then I cry every year on May 17th and the days surrounding it.
Ever since then won't listen to those songs.
Only because every time I hear them, I have to cry.
Every since then Christmas wasn't the same.
Ever since then Ihaven't slept beside my Cat, my purring ball of precious fur.

I stopped believing in God because when I prayed for just one more week, you got taken away from me. If you had been given just one more day, I would've held you again, told you my secrets again, kissed you again. I don't beieve in Heaven or Hell. But I believe you are still here. Guarding the home in spirit, crawling into our arms at night, watching the Christmas lights twinkle, and returning to where your body is buried under the coincidentally heart shaped rock beside the beautiful, but thorned roses.

2 years has't really passed since you died.
Nope, not really.
Because it still Thursday, right?
And I am going to see you tomorrow, and it will be our Last Friday.
I only got darker and more twisted because I felt like it. Yeah, totally, I just felt like it and that's why I subtley changed into someone else.

I wrote that poem for you when you died, but I lost it.
It wasn't very good, I don't think.
I'll write another one for you Baba, I promise.
It will be the best one.
Ever.

I promise, Ickybaba. Ludmilla. Ick the Stick. Catty Fatty Cuteness. Cat.
I love you.

I love you so much.
This weekend, like every weekend, I will check my bed and expect to find you there