2008.06.26

I hate being confused.

I've been with Josh for 20+ months now... I've gotten well acquainted with his entire family, and I love them and they love me. I truly do believe that I love him. And no matter what happens, he'll always be my first love.

But I'm not so sure if I can/want to do this anymore.

How can I possibly know if he's the one I'm meant to be with if I've never actually dated anybody else? He's my first real boyfriend, was my first kiss, etc, etc. I have nothing to compare him to. It sounds horrible, I know... but this has been eating away at me for a few months now. And by a few months I mean the past five or six months. -_-;;

I've only mentioned this to one of my RL friends... and she said that it I'm not meant to be with him if I have any doubts. =[ This only makes me more confused. Is that the answer right there? Am I really not supposed to be with him if I have any doubts? Does he deserve someone better than me, someone who's doubting our relationship?

But at the same time, I wonder if I'm too young. I'm only sixteen... I was fourteen when we started dating. That's really young... I don't really know anything about this kind of thing. =[

And on top of all of it, it's either all or nothing. I can't just be like, "Josh, I want to date other people for awhile to make sure you're the right one." That's stupid and rude. I'm either staying with him or leaving him.

I've come to a point where I don't think I can do either one. I don't have it in me to leave something that's perfectly fine, but I can't stay with him with all this doubt in my mind.

='[

Feel free to give your thoughts...

But please don't tell me 'to give it time' or 'you can't be serious like this at sixteen'. I'm tired of hearing those two.

Nearly two years is pretty damn serious to me. That's how long some couples are together and then they get MARRIED. *sigh*

I hate being confused.

<3 steph