Day 103

God, I don’t want to DO this anymore. I would rather claw my eyes out.

I want to destroy things then drop on the floor kicking and screaming like a child.
I want the sweet satisfaction of breaking glass.
I want to throw small appliances against a brick wall and then jump madly on their pieces.
I want to scream obscenities at the top of my lungs until my throat bleeds.
I want to break something, shatter everything, make my surroundings match my emotions.
I want these scattered thoughts to pull together and form coherency.
I want courage and faith and assurance.

I need a phone call.