Letter - To Lindsay:

Dear Lindsay,
Why does it have to be you? For two years I’ve loved you, loved you more than anything or anyone in my pathetic life. I've never wanted anything as much as I want you. You're the only one who can make me heart beat a thousand beats per minute. For two years, you've been what I have looked forward to everyday. Your screen name is the only one I’ve searched about 10 000 times for and the only one that makes my heart either sink or pop out of my chest, till this day. You're the only one in my life who I can talk to for about five minutes and think about for the rest of my day. You're also the one who leaves me hanging on a thread every moment: waiting for your texts or waiting for you to get online and unfortunately, the one who could care less. I wish you knew. What we had... it was never fake to me, not in the slightest. I still love you more than I ever have, but I have also grown to love you more as a friend than anything else. And I want you to know that I appreciate you. Every single word you text me, every time you say "goodnight" every time you say "haha", I appreciate it. I want you to know that no matter what happens between us, no matter what you do or what I say, I will always love you that way and never in my life will I forget you. I love you more than words can say and this is the first time in my life where I can genuinely say that this is not infatuation, because now I know the difference. Liking someone is conditional, but loving someone is not. I have and will always, love you more than you will ever know. So please, don't never leave me...
Sometimes I just wished I could tell you I loved you with every breath that I had, so that you would never forget this inevitable fact, but I’m afraid it'd grow old. Will it? Some days when we don't have the most fulfilling talks I’m real afraid you'll forget me and we'll drift apart. Will we?
Another year has gone by and now you're 16. Although it is another year that I've known you, this just means that the coming year will be another year that I have to fight to hold onto you, because it only gets harder as you get older. My biggest fear is that one day you'll grow up, get wiser, have a breakthrough and leave me behind. *I wish there was something inside me to keep you beside me,* then maybe I wouldn't have to worry so much. I know that people and circumstances do change, but I know that you will always have a place in my heart. For two years my world has revolved around you (whether you believe it or not. I know it’s pathetic lol) and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Lindsay you are truly an amazing person and I can honestly say that I have never thought about any one person as much as I have thought about you and also that there's probably not one person in this whole world who makes me happier than you do. If I could pick to be with anyone in this whole world, screw Hollywood, 'cause I wouldn't hesitate a second before picking you. I've liked a lot of people in these two years, but at the end of the day it's always been you, because I know that I LOVE YOU and that isn't something I can say to anyone else in this world. It hurts to love someone who loves and is loved by other people, but it really doesn't matter because you make up for it all by just being a part of my life, no matter how small you think that part is. Your words alone make up for everything. That time you told me that you loved me... like I knew it was probably a spur of the moment kind of thing and it didn't mean much to you, but I still go through life thinking it. When things get overwhelming and people get mean all I just think "Lindsay loves me," and even though I know that I'm lying to myself, that lie makes everything better, because everything is nothing without you. I just think "Lindsay loves me," and everything is okay, or at the least, tolerable. Sometimes I think about God and Heaven and Hell and everything and how I can completely ruin it with my love for you, but then I know that God just needs to understand for me. God has to understand that I just can't look forward to anything, if it didn't include you and so none of that matters. I wish a lot of things in my life, but probably what I wish the most is that the world could just stop for a while. I wish the world would just take a break, so that I could. If this ever happened, if the world just stopped for a bit, I could leave and possibly see you and I wouldn't have to worry, because there the world would wait for me, but that's not happening anytime soon. You have no idea how much I'd give to just see you for a second and although it'd probably never happen just thinking about it is more than enough. Even though it might not seem like it at times, you give me so much, just by being there. You give me something to look forward to and just you're presence is comforting enough. Every time you talk to me you find a new way to make me smile and it never gets old. Every word I've ever written for or to you and everything moment I'm online, you're truly worth it. I probably love you more than you will ever know and I'm not asking you to love me, because it's not like you can force that on yourself either. I'm just asking you to let me love you. And although you will never be mine, and I'm not asking you to be either, I'm just letting you know that no matter what happens, no matter how we change or how circumstances change, I will always, ALWAYS.. Be yours forever... being yours to keep.