Oh, my.

I wish I knew what to say.
I wish i knew the words to explain how i feel but i just havent gotten that far in the game yet. Maybe some day i will know what it is i am thinking but the truth is my own thoughts dont even correspond with each other. I want this to be simple but since when is anything ever simple? I've checked the records and never noticed it. Emotion should just leave me alone for once. i dont want to feel anything sometimes. Just forget everything, go with the flow. Convince myslef that its okay but i could always persuede everyone but myself. same with advice; i know what to do and say but i cant take my own advice to save myself. Im only good for having a good time.you sitting this close to me i just want to forget everything, all my thoughts and second thoughts. but i cant. i cant go against what i stand for.and i want this to be so much more.

I eat awkward for breakfast and sometimes lunch but and it always leaves me feeling queasy.
But i just cant help it. Just like caffeine and kissing and who knows what else, i am afraid i am addicted.
a rather unpleasant thing to be addicted to, i must say.

i waste every night thinking of someone who will never think of me quite as much as i think of them. and it is never the same person for all that long. "after awhile when you bounce back and forth between different hearts nothing gets old. you never really have to mean anything to anyone. i have intimacy problems with the world". (petewentz) I couldnt have said it better myself.