Scared And Sad

Well, that's lame. The guy who I thought liked me, who's been flirting with me, was texting me last night (flirting included), and then all of a sudden it's "We're friends for now". Fucking stupid. And Lucius Durden was doing well at cheering me up, and PoliticBoy's been pessimistic ever since I told him and said it was inevitable. And I've come sorta close to crying, but not close enough, and it's so STUPID. PoliticBoy said to be sad for 2 days max then get over it, because this sorta thing will happen for the next 10 years of my life.

I hope not! It's bad enough, either guys I don't like like me and don't get the point, or the guys I like don't want to get to know me, and they SHOULD because I've made some really good friends! That's fucking idiotic if it's going to keep happening. I've had one boyfriend, who never really talked to me. I just want to cry, but I can't!!!!

And it's so scary, because all these things go wrong and it's so rare to get a good day, there's always something there to depress me, and I thought, my razor is just on the shelf a metre away. And it really scared me. I've always thought I was strong enough not to. I've got steel in me. And part of me is going "A one centimetre shallow cut on the thumb side of your arm, not even on your wrist, nowhere near a vein, that's not that bad. You'd barely feel it, it'd be that shallow. You could say you dropped your razor in the shower. You never feel it when you nick your legs, do you?"

And the rest of me is really scared. If anyone found out about this, everything would go upside down. Seriously. No-one would be able to calmly think it out and help. Nothing's helping; despite everything my favourite bands and people and parts of me say, that thought is still there. There's a whole BOX of razors that I bought earlier this month cos I lost mine. How will I be able to reach past them anymore?