So I'm going to write this instead of actually calling him. I'm sure he would answer if I did but it's not time yet.I've been sad for days, basically nonstop crying. But today was a good day. Autumn and I went to the beach. We played in the water. God I can still feel the waves crashing against me. Nothing feels as good as that, maybe kissing you. I know I shouldn't tell you that. Just pretend I...

I sat there curled up in his arms. The words swimming through my brain. I wanted to write them all down but I didn't want to move out of this moment. And the words wouldn't lay flat. His eyes were closed and his breathing was slow. I rested my hand on his arm cheek.This boy, with dark honey eyes and messy black hair. This boy, with a broad chest and strong arms. This boy, the one I want to run...

Dear boy,I'm getting really fucking tired of thinking about you. I'm tired of thinking about your stupid smile, your stupid lips or the way you'd feel laying against me. I'm tired of missing you. Tired of longing for you... Tired of you not feeling the same way, or at least not saying you do. You say you don't do love anymore... but... I'm in love with you. hopelessly, painfully in love with you....

Dear boy who is back in my world,Over the next few weeks until you are back home, until I can put my arms around you, until I know all is lost and you officially have my heart again I'm going to deny it. Deny this feeling swarming my chest, this thrum at the thought of you. I'm going to pretend it's not real. That a text from you is like a shot of vodka, it burns too hot and warms every bit of me....