It is amazing. It doesn't matter about the rhyming, what matters is the way you sing it. Songs like this- where all of the lines rhyme- actually sound better if it's a slow song. Because if you have Line one and line three and line two and line four that rhyme, it just gets lost if it's a slow song. So I think you did a really good job. Never mind the 'professionals' lmao.
@ awake my soul; Yes I remember when I started to rhyme it was like overkill! Ha but after working with it I found cool new patterns! Awesome with trying something new! It always helps an author or writer grow! Good luck!
Amazing I love the errieness only suggestion is slow down on the rhymes so much unless maybe you're thinking of this as a rap? Otherwise great job! I really felt the hurt but how it'll be conquered :)
thank you my dear! and it very much is a slow song.