This is really good! Well thought out, though I have to say, you should try to stick to a beat and rhythm for each line, otherwise it sounds a little jumbled and makes the reader hard to stay "inside" the poem sometimes. However, on the same note, you have a way of pulling them back in. I really liked the second verse's last two lines. Those were my favorite. That you repeated them made it better! Only harsh critique I can say is to make use and edit your grammar. It would make it easier to understand and not think that you simply misspelled something. Very well done.
February 26th, 2013 at 02:51pm
